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Posted by Judith on 7/30/2007, 10:09 am, in reply to "help" I'm so sorry I haven't been on here to let you pour out your sorrows and hurts. I have been kind of in my own little world. Debbie, I have trouble talking to Roy's brother about Roy. I have easier time talking to Roy's mom about Roy. I think its the male/female thing. As for letting people in, and allowing others to help carry your burden, yes, this helps to heal. But it is very hard. You and I are somewhere at the same place. I just took 1 month to clean out Roy's things and donate to St. Vincents, locally. It was like saying good bye to Roy all over again, but I am glad I did it. My sister is coming with bro in law and my god daughter this week, and I've been doing some major cleaning. I hadn't touched the apartment since Roy died. They needed a room to sleep in, and that front room, oh my Heavens. It had the sleep bag from the hospital with Roy's last things he wore. It had all the get well wishes cards, all the funeral papers, everything about Roy, I had tossed on the bed, on the dresser. I just wasn't ready to deal with all that 1 1/2 yrs ago. Well, that room was easier to clean than the back room, so I dug through, found a bed, a floor, and a computer chair, a dresser, and wow, there was even a tv in that room, ha ha ha ha. Anyhow. We do what we can to protect ourselves, but eventually, things have to be let go, and people need to be let in. Neither of the two are easy, and neither is pleasureable. All month, I've been up and down. I'd find something Roy had written, and I'd cry for about 5 minutes, and then gather myself, and continue cleaning, til I'd find the teddy he held so tight when he said he had enough, again 5 minutes of tears. I cleaned out that room with tear-stained cheeks, but I persevered. I can't comment about you and Tony's brother. I don't know the dynamics. Does he love you as his sister in law? Or as a duty to love you as his brother did? These are questions you cannot answer without openly discussing it with Tony's brother. You tell men you need a friend, and they don't get it. Does Tony's bro tell you intimate stuff about Tony? as you share with him how you are feeling, is he as open? With Roy's brother, we'll be chatting about stuff, and all of a sudden, we both just start laughing, cuz Roy would have made some offhandish sarcastic remark about something that was just said, or something that just happened. That is as far as 'our' relationship goes. Pat, Roy's mom has been my godsend. Right now, she is feeling down, and she won't open up as I did to her. But the last time I went up, she opened up. It takes time, some need more, some need less, but time is all we have now, Debbie. don't be too hard on yourself. I know all about being alone, this apartment is huge now that I"ve cleaned up and vacuumed and moved around the furniture. I really opened up the living area. But it feels vacant. I feel empty at times. Debbie, if you need to chat with me personally, you can send me online messages to my personal mailbox, jdewby7@yahoo.com. Just write in the subject, angel, and I'll be sure to open it. I don't get on this site much anymore. Not because I don't want to, just because my life is in an uproar right now. But that conversation is for another day. Lovingly, PS> Lots of hugs for you debbie, and my shoulder for you to cry on
Hi Debbie,
Judith
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