[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Debbie/NH
on 9/21/2007, 10:23 am, in reply to "Jim's death on 6-22-07"
Barbara,
There are no magic words that I can say about how long it takes that Awful pain to ease. I know it was do devasting to go through. My loving Richard passed away 2 years ago and I still feel pain in my heart although the worst of that gut wrenching, heart ripping pain has eased. It was the single worst thing I had been through to date.
I did find that doing a grief journal helped me so much. I would write to my husband about the pain that I was now in and tell him things that were going on here. Plus I had found a web site that had grief type questions on it that you would sit down and answer. As strange as it sounds it did help me relieve that pain. The pain I am in now is different. I miss him every day but I am able to function again. We have a 12 year old son that was 9 when he passed. I felt so adrift in the ocean trying to deal with my own pain and help him with his. But we have grown together and talk about his Dad/my hubby openly. I honestly believe the other best thing you can do is to talk about your husband. I found that people are afraid to mention their name for fear of hurting you. They are the lucky ones who have not had to deal with the hurt, shock and all so forgive them for not understanding your grief. I found it took awhile but as I spoke about him people felt free to also.Told me stories about him, and things he said to them. Encounters they had with him... Unfortunately you have to lead them to understand saying his name is not a sin. It's welcome words to us.
If you were involved with hospice they most likely offer a support group usually after 6 monts after the loss. My son and I went to separate groups in hospice and both of us found it very helpful.
I also found that grief music helped me too. I purchased a few cd's from a website and the songs he wrote about loss were words that totally express feelings you have. If you or anyone is interested. send me an e-mail and I will give you the web site address. Surround yourself with as many things as you can to comfort yourself also.
The worst will pass and you will remember him and all the wonderful things about him. Letting go of that pain does not mean you let go of him. But losing that worst pain was a relief. I assure you it will take about 2 years although you will not be in total agony that whole time. If I can be of any further help to you pls feel free to respond
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