[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith My dear friends, please feel my arms hugging you and holding you. The pain you are going through right now, has been shared by many of us here. I remember my first time asking for help, and I was befriended by Sari, Andrea, and many whom I still talk with on personal emails. Fresh grief is soooo hard. You don't feel like doing anything, except to cry, and to not even want to feel. I had one girlfriend who'd call me every day, and although I'd try very hard not to, all I'd end up doing is crying in her ear. The days were getting mixed up into nights. Sleeping was haphazzard, at best. There was a time when my mother said I was sitting straight up, sleeping without any support. My legs would be swollen from me sleeping in a chair with my legs down. I didn't want to eat, didn't want to 'live' without my precious Roy. I found listening to the last cd he burned was my only connection to him. Every song on the radio was Roy talking to me. Every picture I devoured and memorized the detail of his face, his smile, his eyes, because he was looking at me. It was the hardest 6 months I've ever lived through. I can't tell you how many times driving, I wanted to just drive off the overpass. (But I didn't want to injure anyone). Then, I met Sari. Her David died under similar circumstances as my sweet Roy and talking with her boosted me. She inspired me to write poetry and to do things that my husband and I used to do together. It is in these activities that I started to unravel the real mystery of grieving. I'd cry my heart out, til I thought there were no more tears, while writing. And in writing, I started to ' feel ' again. I felt Roy's presence nearby. Sometimes, I'd even feel his hand on my shoulder to console me. Sometimes I'd smell him. I still sleep with his favourite blanket around me. Sari told me she did alot of journalling. I was never a big dear diary girl, but I started writing letters to my husband, about the days activities, what I did, how I missed him, how I hoped he was okay. And once in a while, I'd get to see him in my dreams. I still have days like this morning when I completely lose it, but I know he is with me. In my heart. He's helped me through this year and a bit. My dear friends, hold onto each other, reach out, tell your beautiful stories, we are all here for you both. I hold out my arms to hug you both, and I send you my heartfelt prayers that God takes away your pain, and that the two of you find peace. Lovingly,
on 9/26/2007, 12:07 am
Dear Barbara and Nancy,
Judith
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