[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith on 10/23/2007, 11:54 am, in reply to "Please tell me it gets better" I am truly sorry for your loss. An accident is so sudden, the state of shock, just is insurmountable. No time to see or kiss him, just a rush to get things done. Funeral, burial/cremation, what to do with all his things; its just a whirlwind of uproaring despair. Then, after the commotion settles, there is a huge emptiness. A void of loss; a broken heart that tears apart with every breath; a mind that replays how you could have changed things IF... The never-ending tears, nightmares, and gut-wrenching abdominal pains and insomnia settle in and you feel like you can't breathe. These finally subside to maybe once a day, perhaps every other day, and then finally, a week goes by, where you remember the good things, the memorable moments, the sweetness of his kisses, his cologne hangs in the air around you, and you remember him... Jill its a roller coaster ride that doesn't end, and you can't get off... some days are high, others are low, you get sick from the feeling of loneliness, and then, you see the top of the world and everything seems to be better. The pain changes to pieces you can handle. It gets stored in a very special place in your heart, that for me, is like a broken vase that I've glued back together, and once in a while, pieces come unglued, and I fall apart for a few days. Then, with love from friends, and help from beautiful angels, and even from your beloved from Heaven, he comes to you in your dreams and you see how happy he is, and his angelic smile reassures you that he is doing alright. It doesn't take the loneliness and the longing for him away, but you learn to live with his love in your heart. Your memories never leave, and even, a song, or a movie, or something at the store he would've loved, reminds you of something new to store away and keep as a special memory to revisit on a bad day. Jill, may you find strength to go forward another day. One day at a time, you don't have to be brave and get through it like a champ, just get through it. Journalling, writing poetry, dedicating your time to volunteer for other victims, or just your own way of dealing with your innermost feelings, can help you deal with this loss, this unfairness, this anger, this disbelief, that the most wonderful person in this world is gone too soon. May God bless you and your beloved today and every day, and I will keep you in my heart and prayers that you find strength to pull through this very difficult trajedy. Lovingly,
Dearest Jill,
Judith
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