[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Debbie/NH on 11/5/2007, 11:38 am, in reply to "It still hurts..."
Lauren,
First off let me say that I am truly sorry that you had so suffer such a major loss at the age of 12.
Although I cannot understand your feelings I do understand the loss. I see it everyday in my now 12 year old son who lost his dad/my husband at 9 years of age. He passed very suddenly also and we were enroute to the hospital but did not make it. He was gone when he arrived.
As hard as it has been for me, I try to set my own grief aside to help Joey.
Some of the things I have done to help are. First we have not stopped celebrating his birthday. Why should we we both loved him to pieces. So each year I ask my son where do you think Dad would like to celebrate his birthday. We go out for a meal on whatever night it's on. Then we come home and split a cupcake that we light up and still sing to his picture. As strange as this may sound I think in my heart keeping him alive is more helpful than harmful.
Also did you see anyone else grieve this loss with you. I did not hide my grief from Joey. Nor do I to this day hide it. I may hear a favorite song on the radio that he loved and it can still bring me to tears. I set up some of our favorite photo's to keep him in front of us.
I also encourage Joey to keep a journal writing letters to him to tell him all the things we want him to know.
You are now experiencing some of the grief you were most likely not able to express at the age of 12. That sounds right to me but you need to try to come to terms with it. It won't stop until you actually go thru the pain. Then the pain will become less and less but your Dad will become more and more to you.
I put my son and myself into a 6 week grief therapy program run by Home Health and Hospice but many Visiting Nurses and such have them. It's a free session and you are divided into groups by the loss you experience.
It helped my son to know that what he goes through is normal as far as parental loss goes.
You do get homework.. such as write a favorite memory about him, write him a letter as to why you are angry that he is gone. All this is extremely theraputic. Believe me your Dad knows it's the anger of the loss not that you don't love him.
Take it one step at a time and one hour at a time if need be.
Please try to find a place like that and believe me you will always love your Father. Love is God's everlasting gift to us. and Love never ever dies.
Please feel free to write me back and tell me about your Dad. I am hear to listen too. I honestly hope that what I am doing for our son is for him to feel his grief and pain and to know it's okay to hurt. But it's ok to live too.
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