[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith on 11/13/2007, 4:26 am, in reply to "Very Lonely"
Oh, Connie,
How hard this season must be for you. Just reading your post, brings tears to my eyes.
Your post reminds me very much of a dear friend who also lost 2 children, and I don't know how she finds the strength to carry on.
As for people telling you to move on... you can get angry at them. Its alright. If only he/she knew how very frustrating that phrase is to someone who is grieving. (makes me furious when my own family tells me to 'move on')
Definitely Christmas time has been built up to really be a child's play/dreamworld, or any adult still very young at heart. And I can't imagine how hard this time of year is for you. One of our mothers on this site, does something special on holidays that would be something her child would have loved. Even if it means wrapping up an empty box for her under the tree, or for him. Some might think that is morbid, or like regression, but it might just be something you may need to do.
I am sure you have been through grief counselling and group therapies, etc, etc, and sometimes, that is good, but, its the need to talk about the wonderful moments you had, and your rememberance or them that far exceeds any 'professional' intervening.
After I lost my husband, I started writing poetry, and I put together a 'book' of thoughts and struggles for me. I have shared some with my family and my inlaws. It has been my way to put what I was feeling, what I couldn't understand, how angry I was, or how fearful I was... and for me, it has helped, along with just chatting on here.
I also have a local card group that keeps me distracted and I now call them, MY SUPPORT GROUP.
As for the holidays, maybe I don't know you, and I may be completely way off base, but, maybe help organize a toy drive? might help you feel like you are remembering your children in a way special.. or you can try to find something else that would be special to you in memorandum.
Or, you can just let me hold you, and you can cry on my shoulder. We are here to listen, I would love to hear some of your wonderful memories... their laughter, their days of innocence, when you are ready.
I will pray and keep you, your husband, and your children in my prayers. And may God's angels hold you up this holiday season.
Lovingly,
Judith
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