[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith on 11/15/2007, 12:05 am, in reply to "losing my dad"
Its Detailed,
First, I open my arms and take you in a hug. Its okay to fall apart here. To be angry, to be frustrated, anxious, yell, scream, cry, wail, throw things, and just vent, tell beautiful stories, and just be here. I offer you my shoulder to cry on.
It sounds like you have come a very long road with a very good supportive friend (partner). I am soooo sorry about your father, and hearing about his courage and fight seems to have rubbed off on you also. You fought to get yourself back on track, not just for your dad, but for yourself.
I have found that when we watch our loved ones waste away from illness, disease, and sickness, we try to protect ourselves and don't SEE how badly he/she has declined.
Your efforts in doing this was in taking those drugs, and i commend you for leaving those behind. You are a hero to your father. He may not be able to tell you, but he knows in his heart, how much you hurt and how much you need him to be there for you and how much he must be suffering that he can't.
May I suggest you write down your feelings on paper, just for you to write and nobody else to read. You can put down your anger, your hurt, your anxieties, your fears, your wish I hads.. your what ifs... and then, as much as it hurts you to see your father in this way, try to just be with him.
There is nothing more beautiful than to be with someone you love so much, than at the very last moment, holding his hand as he goes into God's arms. That vision of me holding my beloved husband's hand as he took his last breath, stays with me. My husband had a little smile when he died. He went up to a very good place. His suffering no more. I was so upset that he went, but now that I've had time to just be, I realize, I helped my husband NOT DIE ALONE.
Your father will always be with you. In your heart, even if he is not gone yet, and in your eyes his mind is.. his spirit, soul, and memories are in you.
I hold you tightly, and we are all here to talk. If you prefer to chat privately, just click on my name, and send me an email.
Lovingly,
judith
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