[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by J on 11/21/2007, 11:11 am
My father in law was diagnosed with multiple cancers about 3 weeks ago. They are not giving him much time, this was incredibly sudden. I guess I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how I should act. I feel like an outsider a lot in my husband's family, his father was really the only one who made me truly feel accepted. He is truly the kindest, least judgemental person I have ever met. My husband is still in shock and rarely wants to talk about it, trying to focus on work. I would visit my father in law every day if I could but I really do not feel welcome doing so. It is not that I have a bad relationship with his family, it is just that we are not close. I even feel strange and out of place when we do visit. I want to give the guy a big hug and tell him that I love him, but how do I do this when everyone else is passing judgement on everything I do? I also don't want him to feel as if he is dying, although he probably knows. I don't feel sorry for myself, and I hope that it does not come off that way. I cannot imagine the remarkable pain that they are all going through. I just do not know how to help or handle things. How can I be there without being too obtrusive. They complain that he is being mean and difficult and I just want to say, "of course he is!", he has every right to be mean and difficult, he is facing a horror that we know nothing of. I have no idea what to do. I feel sick about missing the opportunity to tell this man that he means so much to me and how much I care about him, at the same time I feel that I need to put my own feelings aside because his family is going through something worse. Has anyone been through this?
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