[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Debbie/NH on 1/15/2008, 1:53 pm, in reply to "Re: Please tell me it gets better"
I just found your message today. I am so sorry that I didn't see it sooner.
Losing your AJ like that in an accident is certainly a severe shock to your system and then on top of all that having to go to the morgue is certainily very painful. You are so brave to have even done that. I'm not sure I could have.
Do not take down those pictures till when and if you are ready. I don't care what anyone says to you. Your heart, mind and body will only say to do it when they are all ready and it's pretty clear to me that you are not there.
Shoot, it's been 2 1/2 years since my husband passed and his picture is sitting right here to my left. It used to be painful to look at in the beginning but I felt worse by not doing that.
Pray as hard as you can to God to give you the strenght to make it thru each day.
I had to deal with my own loss and the loss our 9 year old son was feeling from his dad passing.
By the time I would get into bed at night, I too prayed for God to bring me home. I think that is a very normal reaction we all feel.
Your AJ knows how bad you are hurting and wishes he could change it for you but he cannot. He will always check on you and maybe even find ways to send you a sign that he is still around.
I have had a few strange things happen to remind me althought he is gone from my sight he has not left me alone.
I am glad you had the night before as a wonderful night. I too had that but 2 nights before and it was so sweet. We talked about all kind of things, he watched his favorite show and I made him popcorn before we went to bed. It's as if an angel was sent to be sure you had a great memory to help you carry on.
Don't worry that you argued. don't we all do that and as much as we love them we would still have those small arguments. That is life unfortunately and two people in love if they say have never argued or disagreed I would be skeptical of.
Have you thought of starting a grief journal book and writing your thoughts to him and jotting down details of him while they are all fresh in your mimd. It helps believe me I have done it and still often do. It doesn't have to be anything fancy just how you are doing and what you want to tell him about.
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