[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Turquoise on 1/27/2008, 3:17 pm
(Cont'd FROM PART One)..................
Oh, yes!! I do miss my Michael and I do feel moments of great sadness. Michael will always be a part of me. For, he is the warm glow of love that will forever reside in the entwining of our spirits. Our beautiful relationship is now of the ethereal form, woven into the golden tapestry of the fibers of my heart, soul and essential being. A sweet melancholy has replaced that sharp, gnawing, all encompassing pain that had taken up residence deep in the core of my soul.
I strive to remember that what is a burden on one day will be a gift on another. So, with the grace of my strong Faith, I hold on tight when the ride of healing gets a little bumpy, knowing that the new life I am creating will become all I need it to be.
I choose to remember Michael with love and not sorrowful grief. I choose to honor the 'presence' of Michael's Love instead of grieving his absence. I choose to celebrate, with humble, loving gratitude, the gift of our time spent together rather than mourn the loss of it. By accepting Michael's richly deserved freedom, I have become whole! Grief has taught me that my life, now, has a different meaning, new depths and new horizons. To me, grief is the greatest lesson of all in how to CELEBRATE life. My interpretation of grief defined my reaction to grief. I chose to make it my friend and teacher. Recovering from grief was only as difficult and as painful as I chose to make it. For strength, courage and support, I keep these words of Maya Angelou close in my heart: "I can be changed by what has happened to me but I refuse to be reduced by it!"
* MICHAEL*
~Aug 11, 1944 ~ June 20, 2005~
U.S. Army ~ Vietnam Veteran
Stationed in Vung Tau, '66 & '67
Served with the 41st Signal Battalion
Company D
To my precious, beloved Michael,
Today, June 20, 2006, is the one year anniversary of your crossing over to the Spirit World. You have given me the greatest love I have ever known. Death does not tear us apart....for we are much closer now than even when we shared this earthly plane together.
The presence of your love fills my moments of missing you with the serenity of gentle acceptance. The Light from within you taught my soul the graceful lessons of Eternal Love. Thank you, my darling, for the priceless gift of this miracle.
Michael, I have absolutely no regrets and no guilt. I would not change even one tiny nanosecond of the 12,876 days we were blessed to share, as it would cause a chain reaction of missed beauty.
I believe, with every fiber of my being, you are always closer than my next breath. Time and space can never separate us. With the deepest abiding love, I accept our new relationship. I vow to live my life in a Good Way to honor our precious love and your beloved memory. This is not "goodbye" Michael, but simply "hello" to our new lives. As a truth to hold close, our love will last even beyond the Realm of all Eternity.
Dearest, Darling Michael, go with Grandfather. I release you into the eternal beauty and joys of the Spirit World. Be happy, baby, and keep my love with you!
MICHAEL,
I LOVE YOU,
I BLESS YOU,
I RELEASE YOU.
I SET YOU FREE TO BE,
I SET ME FREE TO BE!
(1st Year Anniversary) On June 20, 2006, I had a reservation at our favorite restaurant. I ordered our favorite selection and celebrated two very important things...........a one-in-a-million love shared between Michael and me.........and, moving on with my life. It was a delicious, momentous, healing event that I enjoyed to the highest degree!!! And, yes, I did shed a few sweet tears. In lighting the beautiful candle gifted to me by the restaurant owner and staff, I saluted Michael, the love of my life; for his never-ending love & devotion gives me the strength to stand alone as I face the world out on my own.
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(2ND Year) On June 20, 2007, I celebrated the second anniversary of beloved Michael's Journey Home. The celebration was a grand affair. At our favorite restaurant, the Chef prepared a delicious meal for me. He chose an entirely new selection as a special tribute and symbol of moving forward and moving on. There were a few moments tinged with sadness but they were quickly transformed into happiness by the intense brilliance of the remembered love, gratitude, joy and thankfulness that we were so deeply blessed to have shared during our wonderful and loving life together. Our beautiful memories are forever held in the silvery entwining of the priceless treasure of our blessed loving devotion.
Michael is healed.
I am healed.
I love Michael.
I love my new life.
It is good.
All is well.
And so it is.
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Within 193 days after Michael's Crossing Over, and over a period of 4 months, I attended a total of seven funerals of our closest friends. Ten months after Michael left, I was brutally attacked in my garage late one night and left for dead. The injuries were severe and very extensive. However, I could not sense any healing in the hospital so I stayed only long enough for the medicos to inflate my left lung. I checked out of the hospital and healed myself at home. The real healing began when I chose to completely forgive the perpetrator and made total peace with the event of the challenge.
Sadly, the remaining people in my life couldn't identify with me anymore. They needed me to be the same Turquoise who shared life with Michael. With great care, I tried to explain why & how I was different, now, but it rattled the thoughts about their own mortality and was far beyond what they could grasp. They needed me to remain unchanged for that was the only way they could continue to feel safe in their own life. I lovingly and gently released these beautiful beings back to where they needed to be to feel safe. I loved them enough to let them go. (It does hurt and I do miss them.) Graciously and humbly, I am creating a new circle of friends who support me with like minds.
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I will never get “over” losing my beloved Michael but I have moved forward “through” the pain of Grief to the welcome shores of healing where I now experience joy, peace, love and a renewed zest for living. My new life is entirely different than the one I shared with my Michael; but it is a good life and I love it!
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Sometimes the only form of transportation is a Leap of Faith. Even when I feel terror in not being able to see the path, using my great Faith in the Universe as the only form of Sight, I will continue taking the steps ever onward and forward in the creation of my new life.
I have been through many great challenges and for that I feel humbly, deeply blessed. Challenges are beneficial lessons and not attacks or depravation.
Thoughts are things………………so, choose the good ones. My life is formed by thoughts I project into the future. As I think, so I create. My thoughts go forth and create my future. I can only create a new life from the present and not from the past.
Turquoise
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight inside a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais nin
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