[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Sheralyn on 2/7/2008, 4:38 am
My dad had passed away last month from Leukeamia. He was diagnoised in the begining of last year and you can say he spent his last year in and out of hospitals, getting chemo etc. he went into remision and then 3months later he was told it came back and he has weeks to live. a month later, after seeing christmas, my moms birthday and the new year he passed away. In some ways he has been gone for longer, i think the cancer moved to his brain as he couldnt reconise his family, he would talk about random things and he was very confused. He also was not eating and drinking for days which was very distressing. I have just found out that my mom was hoping and praying everyday for a miricle and i was angry about that.
I am battling with this. I need to move on with my life. I know he is gone but inside me i am in such disbelief, no one ever thinks it could happen to them, its always other people. My dad did not fight. he took it as it came. I have to work, and life goes on you know? And i know that i am impacting my relationship and work with this. I feel this shadow but at the same time I know i can get on with the day if I have to. So far its been easy to ignore his death. the reality of it seems so foreign. I saw his body at a chapel of rest by choice, but i was so scard to see him. i knew it would be him being dead and i guess inside i did not want that evidence that he really was gone. I did not get any peace when i went. i was repulsed by the whole thing, it was not him and i felt it was representing him as a lie, that body was the rubbish he left behind for us? Nobody loves a person for there body.
I did not have the easiest relationship with my father and he had alot of issues. But its the black and white- he was alive and talking and creating memeries one moment then he is no longer part of existance.he is history. he is deceased. late. will never finish the colonge i bought him.
Responses: