[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by jenny on 3/20/2008, 12:29 pm, in reply to "Re: death of my boyfriend"
Thank u!! I know your right on de drinking thing,i use to give out to him for it,thats half de reason we split years ago.
He was different this tim,he was sorry and he was ready to grow up.
I dont think he knew how i felt about him i dont think i knew till it was happening in front of me.
its now i just feel like i am living with regret.
i love my son and i will of course try my best to bring him up de best,,my mother done a good job with me so i think i'll be ok.
i just wish he was here to help with de innocent questions aaron asks and i wish i could spend my life with him.
if god seen wat he was trying to do with his life he would of let him stay with me.
he was smoking heroin and when he got back intouch with aaron he gave it up straight away and wanted to be a good father,he was so happy for de last few months but i suppose his body told a different story.
i dont understand it,one days its all perfect in my head and de next i dont know weather i'm coming or going.
i cry everyday and i cant help it,i dont look after myself anymore i look a mess and that brings me down too but i just cant seem to get de get up an go on it all.
i know wat i should be doing and i can hear chris tellin me to cop on but i'm afraid incase i move on so i just sit here not letting time go by.
I dont know if i'm even explaining it in a way that can be understood.
De child is so messed up , he is 5 and i have to get him counselling,he just snapped a few weeks after chris died and he has been breaking up his classroom and hitting kids and teachers. its my fault because i have been sitting in my room crying all de time and wasnt there for him in de way he needed.I am getting grips on this part of it because i love him so much and dont want him getting de wrong start in life.
i am so sorry about ur partner and everyones grief is different but i know where ur coming from, obviously i'm not in ur head but if church is good for u then keep it up,i suppose i just have to find myself again,,,unfortunatly time is de only thing and i'm not sure i'm ready to move on yet
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