[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Debbie/NH on 3/26/2008, 8:05 am, in reply to "Death of my husband"
Hello Chon,
I too just turned the 3 year mark this month on losing my husband of 18 years. He passed on March 4th. There are days when I do well and plenty of days that I do not do well at all. My husband was in a wheelchair the last 8 years of his life, plus we had a son who was 9 when he passed and I also worked full time and took care of all of them and helped my parents out.
When I lost my husband, I hit the proverbial wall of grief, numbness, loss of feelling like I had any reason to even breathe anymore.
My doctor(she was his doctor also)kept a good eye on me and told me to seek grief therapy. I trusted her very much so I went for myself and I also signed my son up for a children's therapy group.
Now, I am not saying that it takes the pain away or makes you forget them. What it does is teach you ways to cope with the loss to remember them and honor their memories.
One thing I did learn was that it was ok to cry in front of our son. To let him know that my heart was broken missing his father. I also let his teachers and the school know that his dad had passed away so they could help him learn to cope in school
And yes he acted up in school but they also knew why he was and helped him by taking him out of the class for awhile letting him talk to a counselor and while he was out the teachers explained to the kids he was having a hard time dealing with his dad no longer being here. I guess our loss was a teaching experience for his classmates too. But those kids stood by him and helped him. Their parents would cheer for my son during basketball games and baseball games so it didn't seem like I was the only person that cared.
What you need is to find something you care about to help you get past the pain. Just realize that the pain will never ever go away. Unfortunately for all of us here the loss of our loved one does and must change our lives forever. We have to find away to continue on our lives journey but keeping their memories alive for ourselves.
I do a grief journal and write about how I feel how much I miss him and yes how hopeless I feel some days.
If you are having a hard time don't feel ashamed or afraid to seek help. I am so glad that I did. I was put on a medication and put through the grief therapy. It helped me very much and it helped our son.
One thing we learned is although he is gone-we don't have to let him go we can't take him with us wherever we go and it helps my son to know you can cry and hurt when someone you love passes.It's normal to feel that way
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