[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith on 5/29/2008, 2:26 am, in reply to "Daughter In Law Killed by Drunk Driver"
Dear Lois,
I send you my heartfelt prayers that God is near you and your family right now, and that He has your daughter-in-law safely in His arms.
Your son is probably numb right now. In auto pilot. He'll get everything done that he needs to, he'll be 'okay' for the kids, however, he needs to find an outlet to be angry, be upset, be pissed off, be grieving. ( I completely trashed the back bedroom, I threw things, I ripped up stuff, I just destroyed whatever I could that I wouldn't regret later). My uncle trashed a room like that after he lost his wife. Its a great way to release. Then I just started crying and crying and crying, til I thought I was done, and it started all over again.
Therapy may not be what he wants to do, and that's okay, but just keep an eye on him that he doesn't start doing things to 'forget the pain' if you know what I mean. He may join a gym, or go out with buddies, and its all healthy stuff. I would strongly suggest therapy for the children. They will think they were bad and are being punished.
I lost my husband when I was 34, and I am still struggling. But I found that surrounding myself with 'our' friends helped. I don't have any children, and I understand how it might be harder because everytime he looks at those children he will see her.
The comfort things like her favourite chair, or the side of the bed she slept on, her little things she would do in the morning... is going to be missed.
The first time I had people over, I actually set a spot for my husband where he would have sat.
Nobody gave me any lip for it either. I eventually got rid of the place setting, and just left it vacant, but it was hard.
I found journalling to be a comfort for me. Doing something special in his memory.. like photo shopping and scrapbooking has really helped me get through. I myself also wrote alot of poetry... but whatever your son chooses to do, he has to be ready... and right now, he is just on autopilot and numb. When he starts to 'wake up' with the nightmares and the sobs and aching cries, that is when you just hold him and say... I love you son and she is here in your heart. I know its not the same as having her present, but she lives with us here... and just hold him tight.
Hugs for you my dear friend. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
Lovingly,
Judith
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