[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith on 6/5/2008, 2:52 am, in reply to "will it ever stop hurting?"
Dear Kristen,
Please, I offer you my open arms to just hold you and hug you. There isn't a day I don't feel the ache of missing my husband who has been gone 2 years, 2 months and 27 days. The pain does subside, but it won't go away completely. It just changes.
As for feeling guilty, it is very hard to let go of that feeling. I spent what would have been our last christmas together away from my husband, because my family was hampering on me because they missed me, and booy.... do I regret that, and feel guilty, but you have to let it go.
Your grandfather knows you loved him. And he probably said good bye to you while you were sleeping, you just don't remember this because you were sleeping.
My husband comes to me in my dreams sometimes, and just smiles. He no longer has to suffer the pain of dialysis, the pain in his weak bones that would break at just the slightest touch. And, although we didn't spend Christmas together, we had the 23rd, the 24th, the 28, 29, 30, 31, and Jan 1st together. It is all in perspective. But its very hard.
The cries that choke you up and make you vomit are not easy neither. Eventually, those heaves of cries, turn to tears just streaming down your face, and then a little later, smiles on your face because a memory hits you about what you and he used to do together and you can't help but just smile.
Talking about all the fun stuff you and your grandfather did before he was ill, and how brave he was to fight as long as he did, your belief that he was your hero, lives on within you.
Your grandfather loves you so much, that he gave up life being with you on Earth, to watching over you and making sure you are protected and happy from Heaven.
Kristen, my heartfelt prayers and sympathies are sent to you. May God and His angels ease your heart's pains and help you through this very difficult time.
Lovingly,
Judith
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