[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith on 6/18/2008, 11:32 pm, in reply to "Re: Dear Debbie, terri, Char, Jill, Kristen, Dorothy, Mary, and all those who are hurting"
Dear Terrie,
I hold my arms to just hold you and let you lean on me. You can cry on my shoulder, I wish I could take your pain away, but I can only pray to God and our husbands to help you through this terrible road you are travelling right now.
I was so numb my first few months, my face was constant with tearstains and the bags under my eyes awful. I couldn't use enough eye makeup to hide those.
Then, I'd have very cruel dreams, where my husband would be hiding from me, and I'd be looking for him EVERYWHERE. My entire dream was spent looking... and in the morning I'd awaken thinking, did he really die? or is he hiding?
That feeling was really awful.
Then, the special occasions came by and I just didn't want to celebrate them, because he wasn't with me. I was alone and everyone had their families and spouses, and I didn't!
Terrie, these are hard times, and its hard to believe right now that the special moments will come to you later. Its okay to cry, let the tears flow. There is healing in tears. Send your husband letters, write in a journal, dedicate special somethings to him, find something to help you through this time. I have been playing around with alot of photos making collages and sharing them with my family and his family, and its really helped my healing.
I just had my birthday without Roy, and it was hard. Even though I had lots of friends around, I couldn't help but feel sad because he wasn't around to give me a kiss and wish me a happy birthday. I still cry when I see cards that say, to my beautiful wife, because I just am not anymore... I'm a widow!
Life isn't fair. But my sister recently sent me a message that God doesn't take away to punish, he frees up our hands to receive something more precious... how can anyone be more precious than my beloved one that God has in his arms???
I guess I'm still a little bit angry, but its getting better. I'm still working through my grief.
I send you my heartfelt prayers that your pain is eased and that you find your loved one in your dreams smiling at you.
Lovingly,
Judith
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