[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith
on 10/3/2008, 8:52 am, in reply to "When will this get easier"
No Rachel,
It will never be the same again.
I am still grieving after 2 1/2 years without my husband, and I am not the same either.
I hold out my arms to you, to give you a hug, and to let you cry on my shoulder.
I used to look at all our wedding photos, and whatever photos I had of him and me. Just so I could see him. I still sleep with his favourite blanket wrapped around me, and its been 2 1/2 years.
Our anniversary is coming up on the 9th, and I am very anxious this time of year. I can't sleep well, and I eat like I'm going to go hungry next week. Its an awful time for me right now.
On the days that its not so bad, I write poetry, I write letters to my husband, I talk to him as if he is still here, but of course, its a one way conversation. I stay in touch with his parents, they are the best inlaws I could have ever had.
It doesn't neccessarily get easier, Rachel, but it does change. You change too. You might feel selfish right now in wanting him back, but its a normal feeling. You might be pissed off for leaving or at God for taking him, and that is okay too. Crying so hard, that you choke and vomit, that might happen also.
But then, one day someone calls you to go to lunch, and you go, and it wasn't such as hard a day as yesterday was. Or one day you wake up after a fair sleep, you only woke up 3 times, instead of every 10 minutes.
Rachel, I send you my hearfelt prayers that this pain you are feeling right now, is eased. Ask your sweet heart to help you get through. He has the power now to do this for you.
I would love to hear about your wonderful fiance. Talking about the memories helps you get through also, because it leads to tears of remembrance. Those tears have healing power.
God take care of you and your sweet fiance.
Lovingly,
Judith
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