[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Debbie/NH
on 10/24/2008, 4:04 pm, in reply to "How Do I Go On?"
Hello,
I just read your message and my heart breaks for you and the loss you are going through. It has been 3 years for me now but I will never ever forget the pain and suffering I went through went my wonderful husband Richard passed away.
Although he did not have cancer, he had many other medical issues which dominated the last seven years of his life and he was in a wheelchair.
I found that taking care of your loved one consumes your life(and I mean nothing bad by that) so that when they pass you hit a deep mourning. I could not sleep in our bed, I felt as though my very heart and soul were ripped out of my body and nothing was left but a huge gaping hole. I literally had to drag myself out of bed to go to work. Weekends were horrible and I would fall apart again. I felt helpless and hopeless as though breathing hurt me. I had our 9 year old son's grief to handle also. One thing I did learn is that all you are experiencing is normal. There are many stages of grief and Anger and Utter Hopelessness is one of them as well as Loneliness.
You have all of us here now to lean on. If you need to scream go for it. I did that in my car alot. I also when I was able to get some sense of stability started a grief journal. I wrote to my husband every day about all kinds of things- how much I missed him to things about our son. It did start to help me.
I also made a plan to get through the holidays. Having a plan on how to deal with them does help.
I am so sorry to tell you that it took me a good 18 months before I felt as if I didn't have a crushing weight on me. I still miss my love and always will but I also learned something else.. like you I prayed for him to get better. I asked God many times over.. I lit candles for him, went to church every week and prayed for him. After 2 years I realized I did get my answer. I prayed for him to get well and that's what God did. He took him home because he knew here he would only be in pain and suffering. The only way for him to get better was to be with God in heaven. Now I picture him walking, no longer in a wheelchair and so happy that his pain is over. I try very hard to picture that when I am feeling low and you will eventually also but that is some time away.
I am at work right now and will be heading out for the weekend but I will check in here on monday if you feel like answering me
I hope I can you some comfort and a friend's shoulder to lean on.
Another person on here you will most likely meet is Judith. She is an angel. She has helped me through some very difficult times also and I try to help her when she needs it.
That's what friends are for.
Big Comforting Hugs to You
Debbie
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