[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith
on 10/24/2008, 8:58 pm, in reply to "How Do I Go On?"
Dear Princess,
As I read your post, I shed some tears. Not so long ago, I was writing the same words on here as you are at this moment.
The pain in my heart felt like I was stabbing myself over and over again, like in a horror movie. The harsh cries that would choke me, and not being able to breath. Falling to my knees wanting my sweet honeybear to not be gone. Staring at our wedding photos, and dvds just to see him. Dialing his phone # so I could hear his phone message. The not being able to sleep in bed, because that was 'our' room. I still have his favourite blanket wrapped around me when I fall asleep. The black thoughts of just leaving the car engine on, with the garage door shut, the how easy it would be to drive off the overpass, just to be with him. All those emotions, thoughts, are normal.
Your tender words, help me to heal my heart. There is healing in tears. As for feeling your beloved Michael around you, yes. My dear Roy, I swear, I felt his hand on my left shoulder when I was crying so hard, I couldn't catch my breath. God has sent His angels to you also. You are surrounded in His love.
Its not fair that the best people on this Earth, can only share a short time with us. There is no answer to the why questions. Only, that for a brief moment, those we loved, loved us with so much love, that they got to take that love with them to Heaven. Now God has them safely in His arms.
These next few months are very tense for me. I just managed to pull through our anniversary, alone. It doesn't get any easier, but the pain changes into something you seem to be able to tolerate. There are still tears, and sometimes I sob, hard. I miss him so very much, still after 2 1/2 years.
For this time, right now, I offer you my wide open arms. A shoulder to cry on. And an ear to listen to your beautiful love story. When you are ready to cry your memories to us, we will be here to listen.
I send you my hearfelt prayers, that your Michael helps to ease your pain, and that God's angels give you peace of heart.
Lovingly,
Judith
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