[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by melanie
on 10/30/2008, 10:05 pm
my grandpa has merkel cell carcinoma and i'm just devastated, the doctors have taken him off chemo since it wasn't working and i've even emailed the only specialist i could find that deals with his cancer and he said theres nothing that can be done as he has tumors on his liver and in his abdomen. I feel so empty and want to help him and make him better. I worked in the hematology/oncology dept and from the patients i worked with it doesn't seem like my grandpa has hat much time left on earth. i want so badly for him to live but i know thats selfish of me, he is one of the best men thats set foot on earth. i have such a heard time dealing with death as it is and to watch my grandpa suffer and not be able to help is eating me up. one of my sisters who must be stronger than me says that grandpa has lived a long life and that when his time comes it'll be okay cause he'll be in heaven and he's lived a long life. i just don't know, i guess i'm not built that way or i dont think that way i feel like i should have spent more time with him, or made more time i don't know if anyone can give me insight please do, i feel like i'm going crazy, my anxiety is terrible. last nite i felt like i couldn't breath and my heart was racing. its terrible i feel for everyone out there. i look forward to getting to know you all
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