[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Relle
on 11/13/2008, 6:33 am
I lost my soulmate on 8 October 2008 to Leukemia. We have been together for nearly 14 years and when we found out in April of this year that he had relapsed and it was terminal one of the things that he wanted to do was to get married. We were married for 5 months and 3 days and each day was a blessing.
I miss him so much. I miss hearing his voice, his laugh. I miss being able to touch him. I go to bed every night hoping and praying that he will come to me my dreams but not yet. Every time my phone rings I pick it up expecting and hoping to hear his voice and for him to say "hi hun, got you. Just joking. Come and pick me up." I know that call will never come.
I hate coming home to an empty house I try and avoid coming home at all.
I live and work in the same suburb and not a day goes by where I dont see someone that knew my husband and its so hard not to break down when they speak to me. One of the things that I cant handle is when someone tells me at least he's not in pain or suffering anymore. I hope i dont sound selfish but i just want him back here with me.
I am functioning on automatic pilot. the only reason i went back to work was the fact that I cant handle being at home. I find myself so out of it that I actually wrote my car off the other day.
Its the emptiness inside of me thats the hardiest. I find myself at my desk at work and without any warning i have tears rolling down my face and they wont stop.
I cant handle people saying to me that i will be ok, it just takes time. but what they dont understand I dont want time. I just need him. I finding that its getting harder as each day goes by not easier.
One of the things that he said to me when we were talking about death. He said that he wasnt worried about him and whats going to happen to him. he said that he was worried about me and i told him that i would be ok but i was so wrong.
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