[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by Judith
on 11/15/2008, 12:26 am, in reply to "Why?"
Dear Relle,
I have tears in my eyes, reading your post. You are right. People around us, have no clue. They want to be supportive, but they say the stupidist things sometimes.
Why is it that the best people can only live for such a short time here on Earth? Its just not fair. The love that we have for our wonderful spouses, they get to take with them to Heaven.
We are left with a huge hole, a tear in our hearts, because that love we have for them, is torn out.
My husband made me promise to smile at least once a day after he passed away. He had end stage kidney failure, and he passed away 2 1/2 years ago. We had 18 months together as a married couple.
I had dreams of stabbing myself in my heart over and over again, like they do in cheap horror movies. I also had visions of driving off the overpass, but I didn't want to hurt anyone else.
Wait til you have dreams that your husband really isn't gone, but that he's hiding, and everyone knows where he is, except you.
The hurt you feel, is because you love him so much. Those tears that roll down, are healing tears. Let them roll down. As for being on auto pilot, yep. That is your body's way of dealing with the torrentuous pain that you can't handle right now.
You will be in a blur for about the next year or so. You will remember the nice times with him, and then you'll be at a stoplight and your last day with him will flash right in front of you, as if you are right there on that day.
Eventually, these flashes will become less. The tears will become less intense, and the pain in your heart will scar over. Fresh scars are very painful, and healed scars can sometimes hurt once in a while.
Right now, your heart is a freshly open wound. Give it time to heal.
I hold you in my arms, Relle, so that you can feel some comfort that you are not alone. I send you my heartfelt prayers that God sends His angels to help your torn heart to heal.
I am here to listen to your beautiful lifetime of love with your husband. Sharing memories is a good way to let yourself heal. We are here for you.
Know in your heart, that God has both your husband and you safely in His arms.
Lovingly,
Judith
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