[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by ANN SABATINE
on 5/23/2009, 10:18 pm, in reply to "Re: Devastated by husband's death"
My husband Phillip was first diagnosed with stage 4 small cell cancer in July 12 08. Next came chemo which ended up destroying his kidneys because he already had a kidney disease. He was in and out of hospital and rehab for 6 months. Then on Dec.8 he came home for a month and then back to hospital and rehab for the next 4 months (off and on). He was finally able to get the fistula put in for dialysis in Jan.(had tubes in upper right shoulder temporarily for dialysis} until then. Then his breathing got bad (COPD)and we had hospice that supplied the oxygen for 2 weeks and he was back to hospital for 3 weeks when they had to put him on respirator and suction him to keep him breathing. Most horrible time of my life except for his death. I was able to get the vent removed and bring him home by ambulance so he could be with his doggie Maggie and me. He lived for 16 hours and passed away with Maggie sitting on his chest. Hospice was there to give him morphine (which I objected to)but the Dr. said he was suffering and struggling for each breath. The morphine was suppose to ease it and it did after 16 hours---they euthenized him. They caused an early death (May 5,09)rather have the equipment to suction and help him breath. He never complained and loved everyone. He was the kindest, bravest and dearest man I have ever known and I miss him soooo much my heart aches and I can't stop crying. There aren't any more tears--just sobs. I can't go on without him.We never spoke of him dying because each time for 10 months he would eventually get well enough to come home and I guess we just thought it would continue this way for a little longer. We were in denial I know and I didn't want to talk about it if he wasn't ready to either. I just can't go on without him. How can I get through this time so I can function again? I don't want to live either now.I want to be with him. I can't stand the thought of never touching his face, seeing him smile, holding his hand or hearing his voice calling for me. What can I do? Please help me. God Bless you all,
Ann
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