[ Post a Response | Angel On My Shoulder ]
Posted by suzie on 7/29/2009, 7:08 pm
I feel like I’m living in a world that is moving fast and I’m still stuck in the same spot . Everything keeps moving everyone else gets to smile and gets to live happy and I’m here with a broken heart and crying. I can not blame my sadness on January 26-27. But maybe I could I honestly don’t know. Maybe Steven’s right maybe I am a bad person and I deserve the worst and I’ll never be happy or anything ever . Maybe I shouldn’t be . He pointed out everything I knew was wrong but was afraid to face. a lot of shit has happen to me . I lost her. I lost myself. I keep losing people . I keep letting go of the ones I need the once that I’m afraid of the ones that can hurt me but wouldn’t but you have the feeling they are so you don’t want to get involved so you “take the easy way out” . if anything me as a person is ruin . My heart. My head. Me . Is broken down . I cant take it any longer I cant deal with getting hurt its too much for me right now maybe I keep putting off things that could turn into good things afraid of taking chances afraid . Afraid . Afraid . Weird and funny at the same time I was never “afraid” before . I always knew what I wanted and never cared how I got it . Knew I was strong enough . Knew that I was good enough . And that no one deserved me. How come now I lost that . Now I am afraid of taking chances risks just plain afraid? Why now? I don’t get why I don’t understand why . Why is there now fear in everything I do? Why do I think twice before doing something ? Why cant I be care free. Why cant I let go? Why cant I move on? I need to move on . I need to be strong. I need to take chances and be care free. I need to be me. Where did I go ? Why cant I be happy? Why cant I stay happy for longer then a week? I understand its an inner battle and I need to get over it and I need TIME ! I don’t want to wait anymore . I need to be me again and not be afraid of things. I’m just lost and stuck .
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