Posted by motherdearest
on 7/3/2009, 11:49 am
24.127.68.11
Ok... to start from the beginning...
I was not a fat child... or teenager... but a guy asked me how much I weighed one time (about 115 then) and that started my life long battle w/ eating disorders of some form or another. I found out later he was talking about how big my boobs were. I stopped eating completely.... for months.... I don't know how my parents didn't realize....looking back at my pics...but I was a good liar... and good at faking things. Well... at church camp someone told on me and they made me eat... after months of not eating... I ate and ate and ate... and then of course I got sick and threw up and still lost weight.... so I realized that I could just do that. And I did.... for years. When I ate... I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror...saw myself as huge HUGE and it would automatically make me throw up. I stopped doing it during my pregnancies though.... and I didn't do it all the time... cuz I didn't have to...just if I over ate or wanted to lose. I only ever gained weight a few times in my life. I gained w/ each pregnancy. I gained when they put me through menopause for a while at 18. I gained a little after a wreck when I was on bed rest. Well. I lost a baby before my 3rd child and it really affected me... and I didn't lose that 15lbs... then got preg. 3 mo later.... didn't lose that 60lbs.... then couldn't lose and couldn't lose. I finally lost a few lbs while my husband was overseas and then I got pregnant w/ my 4th. I started cambridge once 2 years ago. I stayed on it for a few months...but I wasn't as good as I am now. I also got a personal trainer. It caused my weight loss to stall...but I was definately thinner than I was at the same weight w/o a trainer. This time I have been great. Not saying I don't cheat... I do... but it hasn't been a battle most of the time this time. I realized that I had no pictures of my family and my husband is dying. I don't take pics. I decided that no matter what... I was going to lose weight... period... even if I had to have bariatric surgery (which I was already approved for). Then I decided to give it a go....for one more month w/ cambridge... and in that month... if I didn't lose enough... I would gain it back and just get the surgery. Well... I lost 37lbs from May 2nd to June 6th. I had a goal of another 30lbs for June and I'm not even close...lol... but it doesn't matter because I can tell I look better every day. I am sticking w/ it ... not getting discourage... because I AM GETTING A FAMILY PICTURE MADE BEFORE MY HUSBAND DIES! Which... God willing he won't... he starts experimental treatment in a clinical trial on the 13th. But... regardless... I'm losing. I was going to add a meal at the end of June... or at least think about it... but I decided that I was enjoying the cambridge... and I'm not going to. If I eat (like when we go to New York after his treatment) I'm not going to beat myself up.... but I sticking w/ my diet. I am using this time to plan my diet for the rest of my life....when I can eat things that I love but aren't good for me...like Mexican food...lol. I think it takes finding 'something' to motivate you completely. When you have been fat so long... your confindence is destroyed... so you won't do it for yourself... and when you cheat... you will beat yourself up... you need another goal at first... til you start to get your self-worth back. Just a thought. I am hoping to be a size 4 before fall. I do plan on having a tummy tuck at the end of the summer.... 4 c-secs and 6 pregnancies have taken their toll on my tummy area...lol. I am hoping that I don't have to have any others... that my skin will bounce back... but who knows... the bariatric doc told me if I lost before 35 it would have.... but probably not now.
Was that what you guys wanted? I hope it helps. Any of you can private message me your email if you want more details.
Oh... yeah... I didn't exercise this time. I intended to start in June but we can't afford a gym right now and it storms so much that I haven't done it consistantly. BUT... I will say that after my weight loss stalled in June... I started walking a mile and 1/2 a day and my weight loss restarted. So... I have to really learn to fit the exercise into my life. That is my new mission!
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