Posted by gonnadoit on 7/3/2009, 5:14 pm, in reply to "Re: My story ... for those who asked"
70.41.23.138

Wow mother you are awesome! Prayers for your hubby and family too. Thanks so much for sharing. --Previous Message-- : Remarkable story from a remarkable person! God : Bless you mt friend!! : : Cindy : : --Previous Message-- : Ok... to start from the beginning... : : I was not a fat child... or teenager... but : a guy asked me how much I weighed one time : (about 115 then) and that started my life : long battle w/ eating disorders of some form : or another. I found out later he was : talking about how big my boobs were. I : stopped eating completely.... for months.... : I don't know how my parents didn't : realize....looking back at my pics...but I : was a good liar... and good at faking : things. Well... at church camp someone told : on me and they made me eat... after months : of not eating... I ate and ate and ate... : and then of course I got sick and threw up : and still lost weight.... so I realized that : I could just do that. And I did.... for : years. When I ate... I went to the bathroom : and looked in the mirror...saw myself as : huge HUGE and it would automatically make me : throw up. I stopped doing it during my : pregnancies though.... and I didn't do it : all the time... cuz I didn't have to...just : if I over ate or wanted to lose. I only : ever gained weight a few times in my life. : I gained w/ each pregnancy. I gained when : they put me through menopause for a while at : 18. I gained a little after a wreck when I : was on bed rest. Well. I lost a baby : before my 3rd child and it really affected : me... and I didn't lose that 15lbs... then : got preg. 3 mo later.... didn't lose that : 60lbs.... then couldn't lose and couldn't : lose. I finally lost a few lbs while my : husband was overseas and then I got pregnant : w/ my 4th. I started cambridge once 2 years : ago. I stayed on it for a few months...but : I wasn't as good as I am now. I also got a : personal trainer. It caused my weight loss : to stall...but I was definately thinner than : I was at the same weight w/o a trainer. : This time I have been great. Not saying I : don't cheat... I do... but it hasn't been a : battle most of the time this time. I : realized that I had no pictures of my family : and my husband is dying. I don't take pics. : I decided that no matter what... I was : going to lose weight... period... even if I : had to have bariatric surgery (which I was : already approved for). Then I decided to : give it a go....for one more month w/ : cambridge... and in that month... if I : didn't lose enough... I would gain it back : and just get the surgery. Well... I lost : 37lbs from May 2nd to June 6th. I had a : goal of another 30lbs for June and I'm not : even close...lol... but it doesn't matter : because I can tell I look better every day. : I am sticking w/ it ... not getting : discourage... because I AM GETTING A FAMILY : PICTURE MADE BEFORE MY HUSBAND DIES! : Which... God willing he won't... he starts : experimental treatment in a clinical trial : on the 13th. But... regardless... I'm : losing. I was going to add a meal at the : end of June... or at least think about it... : but I decided that I was enjoying the : cambridge... and I'm not going to. If I eat : (like when we go to New York after his : treatment) I'm not going to beat myself : up.... but I sticking w/ my diet. I am : using this time to plan my diet for the rest : of my life....when I can eat things that I : love but aren't good for me...like Mexican : food...lol. I think it takes finding : 'something' to motivate you completely. : When you have been fat so long... your : confindence is destroyed... so you won't do : it for yourself... and when you cheat... you : will beat yourself up... you need another : goal at first... til you start to get your : self-worth back. Just a thought. I am : hoping to be a size 4 before fall. I do : plan on having a tummy tuck at the end of : the summer.... 4 c-secs and 6 pregnancies : have taken their toll on my tummy : area...lol. I am hoping that I don't have : to have any others... that my skin will : bounce back... but who knows... the : bariatric doc told me if I lost before 35 : it would have.... but probably not now. : : Was that what you guys wanted? I hope it : helps. Any of you can private message me : your email if you want more details. : : Oh... yeah... I didn't exercise this time. : I intended to start in June but we can't : afford a gym right now and it storms so much : that I haven't done it consistantly. BUT... : I will say that after my weight loss stalled : in June... I started walking a mile and 1/2 : a day and my weight loss restarted. So... I : have to really learn to fit the exercise : into my life. That is my new mission! : : :

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