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Posted by Vicky on 12/21/2005, 4:37 am Come that summer he was dating a another but we talked every week on the phone and sent Emails back and forth. We were friendly and as much as I wanted more I knew (or at least I thought I knew) he just wanted to be friends. But come the end of summer he had broken up with her to see if we could get back together. We talked for awhile about how he had hurt me once and he said "he didn't want to loose me again," and I fell for him once again.(yes ... I fell for it). We were together for three months when he finally told me he loved me and I admitted that I had loved him the whole time we had been friends. We were together for 8 months. We had so much fun together. He was more than just a boyfriends, he was my best friend (I know that is what everyone says but I trusted him with everything and I've never had so much fun with someone). Even today after it all I don't regret a moment with him. He was my first love, my first time and my first long term nrelationship. We are both international studies students so we were planning on doing an exchange in different countries and planned to stay together while abroad then come back to one another the following year. But obviously if I'm writing on this website and I'm an ocean away ... that didn't happen. Come the eighth month things just got weird ... we were both getting ready to leave and we were having problems communicating ... that had never happened before. We just felt nervous around one another. So one day he told me he was unhappy and I asked him if he still loved me. He answer with "I haven't felt like I loved you for awhile." Of course I was hurt but asked him then what was he doing in this relationship. He said he wanted to see if it would pass and he didn't want to leave me. He told me that I was the "best person he knew," and wanted to stick it out. But I told him he needed to decide if he really loved me and I wouldn't be with someone who didn't when I was completely in love with them. I don't know if I demanded too much ... but I didn't feel like it would be fair to me. Two days later after scattered conversations he called me and asked to talk and he looked me in the eyes and told me he didn't love me. When I look back now ... he was obviously upset but I was so angry I didn't notice. So after that I was angry and hoped he missed me and feel now like a complete idiot for acting so selfishly. When you love someone you should only want the best for them. I hoped that he missed me ... I'm a horrible person! It also didn't help that we had the same friends to confide in and they ended up passing things we had said to about the other to us. I didn't speak about him in a pleasant manner ... god i'm a b###h! Any ways, I am now in a completely different country ... still thinking about him. I think about him because when I left all my friends kept saying to me ... when you get back make sure you don't take him back ... make sure you don't take him back! We've talked a bit online ... but nothing of consequence and now I have had no contact with him for about two months. I've been fighting the urge to contact him. He sent me an chain-email asking all his friend to describe him in one word. I deleted it because the only thing I can think of to say is "your the truist, best person I know and I'm still freakin' i love with you!" But something tells me that would only hurt me. He sent that two months ago and I haven't talked with him since. It's weird because I'm still so hurt and I'm not even sure if it was HE who broke up with me or if I broke up with him. SO I'm here to ask ... any suggestions ... what did I do wrong ... I felt like I was aweful to him at the end! I talked with all his friends about him ... because they were my friends and I was so angry and oh man ... I just don't know. I'm a million miles away ... and I still think about him. Some one told me once "If you can't get someone out of your head maybe it's because they are supposed to be there." That can't be right ... can it? What should I do? I just need to forget him, right? But how ... I've thougth about him for 9 months now! I feel like I need to apologize and I want him back but ... I just think that I shouldn't because ... HE DOESN'T LOVE ME! He told me! ... okay that's enough ... you all get the picture. But thanks for listening. Take care.
So I'm 20 and feeling really stupid. But I can't get this guy out of my head. So here's the story. We met my freshman year in college. We lived in the same dorm and we dated for four months and then we broke up. Needless to say I was really upset and it didn't help that only six months earlier I had lost my mother to Lung Cancer ... and it didn't help that I had no choice but to see him everyday! So I just felt really alone. But with help of my wonderful friends and family I was able to just be friends with the him and tried to look for new people to see.
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