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Posted by Lisa on 6/13/2006, 10:03 am I want to handle this situation as sensitively as I can…we have both been through so much. Losing one another drove both of us to insanity…that’s a definite. Now it seems we just aren’t sure what to do- even though it’s obvious that what he have is SO strong to have such a powerful connection after all we have been through. Most people that end up breaking off engagements hate one another! He tells me that our love-making is by far superior…and our connection is so powerful. But that this woman was also very kind & amazing to him and he doesn’t know what to do…he ALREADY knows what he’s doing is wrong. WE BOTH KNOW it’s not nice to ever cheat on another. But how to get past this fear???He misses me, but it seems he just can’t leave this girl…and my gut tells me she’s just a big ol’ safety net to him. He has agreed that that is highly possible. And said that he’s sorry he can’t be that man that he once was (stronger) for me just yet. That he wants to be that person again. I think men’s opinions would be especially helpful here. A million thank you’s for any insight!!!!!!
Badly in need of advice- I found this site extremely helpful many years ago…and hope you will help me the same way now! About 2 years ago I met the love of my life…he was 7 years older than me, we met- fell in love: he was kind, intelligent, driven, funny, spiritual, close to his family and the perfect gentleman. Nine months later, with my parent’s consent- we were engaged J I moved in with him (leaving my apartment and job behind.) But things began to turn very quickly. I have suffered from depression on and off since college. I felt an episode was coming on (which is not wild given such huge changes taking place in my life!) I have taken anti-depressants before with wonderful results. This time- not so lucky. The medicine put me into a highly depressed and agitated state. Since I’d never had a bad reaction to medicine before, I didn’t know what was happening. Nor did my new fiancé who saw me turn into a monster before his eyes. Long story short- he left- the engagement was broken off- leaving me jobless, without my own place, scattering to find a place to stay (even though he gave me time to leave) and devastatingly heartbroken on TOP of the critical health I was in. The only fortunate thing is that I went to ANOTHER doctor out of desperation who IMMEDIATELYU took me off the former drug (which has since been taken off the market), and my previous doctor has since had his license revoked for putting other patients in extremely dangerous situations. I had become suicidal once my fiancé was gone- I was just way too ill to face that type of heartache. Long story short, I survived…I moved out- mustered all the strength I could find and found an AWESOME job, gorgeous apartment, a whole new life. But my ex and I began to speak last summer…and talk things out. I could tell he was really afraid of me…and at first, I really didn’t blame him. I was constantly in a rage on the medicine…it was hard for him to understand that wasn’t really me. Now well over a year has passed, and as I’ve NEVER behaved even close to rageful since the week I was taken off that medicine…he now sees what an awful mistake he made in thinking that was really me. He also owns up to other mistakes…saying he should have been stronger, should have stood by me, and helped & supported me. He is very ashamed of his actions, and I of mine. We both made mistakes…and I know we both genuinely feel badly for them. We also remained very attracted to one another- and were intimate on many occasions. It was kind of a whole summer of tearful, honest conversations…and sometimes a sleep over J But he remained trapped by his fears as far as giving us another chance. And eventually he said there WAS a girl that he thought he’d like to try a relationship with. When that happened…I was obviously devastated. I didn’t understand why he would want to start something with someone new- instead of give us another chance…especially after all the talks we had. I went away- and told him I respected his decision- and I did. But since I’ve returned something’s changed. He misses me…he has asked to see me four times now. We go out…gte some drinks…it always ends up in hours o laughing and fun, and then f love-making. He often has to lie to his current girlfriend about where he is. He hates himself for the dishonesty- but is confused about what it all means. He is an extremely sensitive man…he admitted this woman is older than him which makes me think she just made him feel safe and good. He will STILL cry when I leave him. He never wants me to go. BUT he’s too terrified to tell me he loves me either. He has told me he loved me more than he’s ever loved- and he’s terrified to love that way again. But the pull to see me is so strong too. Plus he doesn’t want to be disrespectful to this person either. He has never cheated on anyone in his life (until now.) I obviously know it’s not nice that he cheats on her…but I feel our situation somewhat trumps their three month relationship. It was a very difficult situation for both of us…it’s not so unusual that he turned to someone. You will ALL have to trust me in that he is NOT a player. That advice won’t help…I know him very well…that isn’t what’s going on. I think he’s truly just letting down his guard and realizing our love again…and everytime we are together it’s incredible. I told him he HAS to be careful, since this woman is much older- and I’m SURE very ready to be married and have children…he agrees. At the same time he completely admits to not being quite strong enough to give us another chance just yet. But then he’ll make love to me for hours, and tell me how much he misses me…he is very capable of being monogamous- and he’s getting s*x on a regular basis, so it can’t be just for that.
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