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Posted by Victoria on 8/13/2005, 10:27 am, in reply to "he said I don't love you anymore" I understand what you are going through. I myself moved several states to be with this man that is now my fiance'. He hasn't had a lot of time for me lately, for the past year and a half, and when I talked to him he just says that he has so many other things going on, that he just doesn't have time for me or for a relationship. I was devastated. I know that I should have left, and I should probably still leave, but being a love addict, I cannot get myself to leave, even though I haven't been happy. I started counseling and reading books and now understand what is going on. You see, when I decided that I wanted to move back home, he suddenly changed his tune, especially when he saw that I was going to counseling. In finding out that I am a love addict, we have found out that he is a love avoidant. It is very common for the two to get together. You see, as a love addict, I am desparate to have someone love me and want me that even though I may be in a bad situation, I have a hard time letting go. As a love avoidant, he is the opposite. This is not to say that he doesn't want love and a relationship, but he is scared and pulls away when things get good. A part of this happens to be due to the way that he was brought up, but a lot has to do with the past relationships that he has had where he was hurt. It is a self defense mechanism, and many times they don't realize this is what they are doing. They usually come on very strong at the beginning of a relationship, and any time the relationship is threatened, but during the times that it is good, they pull away. My fiance' is getting counseling for this as well as me getting counseling for my love addiction. I don't know if we will make it as a lot of damage has been done to the relationship, but we will both be better for the counseling we are getting. I don't know how much this has helped you, but I wish you all the luck. -Victoria
Ann,
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