Posted by "The Wildcard with John n' Amy on July 1, 2004, 2:48 pm

This week the IWA has come to England in it’s next leg of the UK tour. A couple of days ago Chance Runnels picked up a cover in a tag team match and now has a shot at the Triple Crown championship, unfortunately two members of SeX, two tag team partners, two snuggle bunnies stand in his way Destiny Hunter and Danny “fats” Argus, the latter being the champion. Our hero Chance Runnels has made his way via hovercraft from Belfast Ireland to London, England. That’s right I said via hovercraft. Chance and his trust side kick/manager have arrived in London to do a spot of sight seeing, sign a few autographs and while they’re at it meet the Queen of England her self. [The scene fades in and we see a small two man hovercraft come tearing down the streets of London, traffic is heavy but the sheik and manoeuvrable hovercraft is able to move in and out of the cursing taxi drivers and coffee drinking executives driving their posh cars with ease. As the hovercraft comes homing past we see two figures sitting in seas behind one another. In the drivers seat with a big grin of his face and wearing a pair of goofy looking goggles is “The Wildcard” himself Chance Runnels. Sitting behind him is a not so cheerful John Jones, who looks a little unwell. Seriously his face is green literally! John holds on to either side of the hovercraft, his fingers digging into the bodywork. The craft slows down and pulls into a parking space on the side of the road between two cars. Chance turns the engine off and the air filled cushion beneath them deflates slowly, he hops out and walks over to the toll meter he puts some coins in and twists the meter. John is still wedged firmly in his seat. He looks well, horrified! Chance throws the goggles into the hovercraft and with one swift swiping motion he pulls off his Velcro attacked green pilot suit revealing a finally pressed shirt tie and trousers complete with shoes polished so well that you could have a shave in them. But don’t hold me to that. John finally manages to stand up and flop out of the unorthodox mode of transportation to the spattered and stained pavement. John picks himself up then starts to heave.] Chance: Don’t you point that thing at me! [John turns to his side and sports a black litter bin, he clasp both sides of it firmly with each hand, he with his usual grace proceeds to throw up his lunch into the bin.] Chance: Doubt that McDonalds you had tasted as good the second time round. [John finally straightens himself out and wipes his mouth with the sleeves of his jacket.] John: So when’s you other half getting here? Chance: You mean Amy? Oh she said that after b###h slapping that actor that Fats got to mimic her she would catch the first plane to London, which means she should be here [Chance looks at his watch, and from the doors directly behind him Amy Edwards Chance’s first serious girlfriend ever appears.] Chance: now! [John looks pretty amazed then thinks to himself, this is Chance Runnels, then nods reassured that Chance is simply amazing 24/7.] Amy: Hey hun. Chance: Well, hello. [Amy runs up to Chance with her suitcase and throws her arms round him. The suitcase swings in a wild arc of canvas death and hits John clean across the side of the head. Knocking him flying through the air in a physically impossible manner and out of sight.] Chance: You look great. [Chance gives Amy a light kiss, Amy speaks in her usual thick (not stupid thick like Chance) Irish accent] Amy: You don’t look half bad yourself, I told ya’ you’d look damned handsome all spiffed up, normally ya’ look like ye bin dragged through the back alleys of Belfast on a Saturday night. Chance: Why thank you I think. Where’s John? [John is lying face first down on the pavement rubbing his head, again.] Chance: I didn’t know it was customary for visitors to sniff dog dodo on arriving in Britain. John: Shut up, just keep your little lady away from me. Amy: And who ya calling little lady, I’ll stuff you like Chance: Ok you two, we have to go, I don’t fancy been thrown in the tower of London for keeping her Majesty waiting. [John one again picks himself up and dusts himself off.] Amy: The Tower of London, that’s just a museum now isn’t it? John: Technically yes, but I don’t fancy being it’s first occupant of it’s grand reopening, [Amy scowls and pulls a tongue at John] Chance: Lets go then. [Chance, Amy and John make there way down the streets of London with a spring in their steps, well a limb in John’s case. John still rubs his head, Amy holds Chance’s hand and Chance with his other hand carries Amy’s suitcase.] John: So guys, what do you say to going out for a few well earned chilled beverages after we’ve popped to see the Queen? Amy: Ye’ mean get pissed? John: If you want to put it that bluntly then yes. Amy: If ya don’t shut yer trap ill stick ya with something blunt! John: You mean stab me right? Chance: Will you two quit it? John: She started it! Amy: What! Chance: To think people call me immature well I am but this is ridiculous. John: Women! Amy: You male chauvinistic pig. John: That’s me. Amy: Unbelievable. Chance: That’s it! [Chance puts his arms out in front of Amy and John stopping them dead in their tracks. Chance turns to face them, he turns around wildly and Amy’s suitcase hits John across the other side of the face and he goes spinning through the air a second time.] Chance: Look Amy, John Is my best and only friend and I’d prefer it if you got along with him. Amy: Whatever. Chance: Can you do that for me? Amy: I suppose so, he’s just evil he hides the T.V remote he ate the last of the pizza yesterday when I had my name all over the last slice. It’s just not fair. Chance: Don’t worry I’ll have a word with him too. John? John? [John this time is lying face up on the floor now showing off two black eyes. He doesn’t even complain about being hit he just picks himself up and steadies himself on a rail near by.] Chance: Stop messing round will you. John: Right. Chance: (whispering) Hey could you take it a little easier on Amy, I kind of like this one ok? John: No problem chief, but she’s going to be a distraction I’ll tell you that now. Chance: What woman isn’t. [Chance takes hold of Amy’s hand once more and the group of ‘friends’ carry on with their tedious journey through the bustling streets of London.] Chance: So then, what do you think my chances are of walking out of my match with Destiny and Danny, the champion? John: The average of statistics would say slim to none, they are going to team up on you that’s for sure. Perhaps if you bust your ass off and with a bit of luck and ambition from Destiny and Danny; you have a one in a thousand chance of getting through this. Chance: I like those odds. Amy: You damned right you like those odds. Your going to go there kick some ass, kick some more ass, when you think you’ve kicked enough ass kick em’ some more. You showed the IWA you have the heart to turn the odds in your favour. [Chance manages to force a smile out though there is obvious concern in his eyes.] John: There’s no doubt that Dawn had the best intentions when she gave you this title shot. You’re going up against two members of SeX bad apples through and through. But like Amy said you’ve got heart kid, you’ve beaten the odds before it’s time to show the world that you can do it again. That Triple Crown Championship belongs over your shoulder, not on the waste of a SeX member. Amy: That’s for sure. Chance: Well it all sounds good to me, I don’t want to sound cocky but ok well maybe I do. I rock people! I’m going into that match to win, if it ends up in a handicap situation then so be it I’ll hand out whoopings with generosity! When I’ve finally finished with the kicking of asses I’ll walk out that ring with my head held high, my hand cupping my crotch and shaking my nuts with satisfaction as I walk out the Triple Crown Champion.