Posted by "The Wildcard" Chance Runnels on July 1, 2004, 2:49 pm, in reply to "To London...and beyond"

John: Back to reality, we’re almost there. Amy: Yeah, look there’s Buckingham Palace. Chance: Cool. John: No all we have to do is get inside, that shouldn’t be too difficult [The three walk up to the large gated entrance, which is, locked shut. Two ‘Royal Welch Fusiliers’ in red uniforms complete with bearskin hats and gold chinstraps are sitting on horses standing watch.] Chance: excuse me, I’m Chance Runnels and I’ve got an appointment with the queen. Chance: Hello? Amy: They won’t talk to you Chance: What? John: Remember when you came back from your trip in Japan and we had those guards with us? Chance: You mean the miserable ones who wouldn’t talk? John: Yeah there they guys, well I compared them to these guys, they won’t move a muscle even if you do knee them in a crotch. Chance: Well how am I supposed to get in? John: Do I look like an ideas man to you? Chance: No you look like an idiot, and for me to get inside there I need a plan so stupid it could actually work. John: I do know weather to thank you or beat you senseless. Amy: Here’s the point where I should say something funny, but quite frankly I can’t be arsed. Chance: On that minor note, throw an idea at me John boy! John: Well this is how I see it [The camera fades into a shot of play by play of Johns plan as Chance Amy and John find themselves digging an underground tunnel and all wearing miners helmets.] Amy: How’d we get here? Chance: Beats me. John: First of all we did a hole underground behind the palace itself, it’s approximately two hundred yards of underground tunnelling to go through before were under the walls, across the courtyard and under the palace itself. We will then dig directly upwards and penetrate into the one place of the palace there isn’t any surveillance cameras. [Next the scene cuts to Chance Runnels having his head poking out of a toilet, he looks a little washed up.] Chance: What the John: Then we capture three security guards, put on their clothes assuming their identity. [Next wee see three beefy security guards getting pulled by their collars into the female toilets. A few seconds later the three guards walk back out rubbing their fists and straightening out their suits. The doors swings open and there on the floor are Chance John and Amy bruised and battered.] Chance: What? Amy: I don’t like this plan. John: Then we will make out way to the thrown room, using some really bad kung fu to take care of any un-named guards. Before bursting, with style, into the room and lock the Queen in a sleeper-hold until she agrees to have dine with us. Chance: Here we go again. [Chance and Amy find themselves walking down a corridor with John taking the lead. Two pistil armed guards take aim at John. In slow motion John jumps through the air kicking and yelling like mad. Chance and Amy look on bemused and curious to how he is able to stay in the air so long. Only John and the guards seem to be moving in slow motion.] Amy: Does it always do that? Chance: Not usually, it really depends how much of the IWA budget is spent on special effects. [John finally kicks the two guards square in the chest and they both crash through the wall behind them. John picks up the two pistols and runs, jumps and rolls into the thrown room. Queen Elizabeth II is sitting on her thrown sipping some tea as John does a manly heroic pose. If anyone has seen the film Equilibrium (Which rocked supremely) then you can guess what’s going to happen next. All the guards in the room suddenly start shooting at John. All the bullets miraculously miss john as he raises and eyebrow grins and starts shooting in all directions. John’s feet don’t move and neither does the direction his head is facing. The only things that move are his arms at unapproachable speeds and unimaginable angles. After 30 seconds of trigger happy John shooting every guard is lying dead.] Chance: This can’t be real? John: But it could be, but why stop at dinner, I could make her denounce her thrown and make me King John of England. Amy: He’s lost it Chance: He had it? [The scene then cuts back outside the gates where John is grinning and stroking his beard in an appropriate and well-timed manner.] Chance: I think your idea could work but I think I’d rather take my chances in shark-infested custard! Amy: Shark-infested custard? What have I got myself involved in? [As the three ponder up a not so clinically insane plan a voice comes from behind the gates.] Voice: Excuse me dear sir, but are you Chance Runnels the wrestler? Chance: Why yes I am. [We turn towards the direction of the voice and standing there is a well-greased butler complete with dickey bow.] Butler: It’s about time, please come in, we thought you’d have trouble at the gates so the Queen sent me out to meet and greet personally. Chance: Fantastic lets go Jeeves. John: Jeeves? Chance: He needs a name don’t he? John: I somehow get this gut feeling that he most likely already has a name of his own. Butler: Actually no no I don’t dear sir. They call me butler, nothing more nothing less. [Chance John and Amy all look confused] Chance: That sounds like a cheesy comic book villain name to me. John: It would! Jeeves: Follow me this way please. John: Move out. Chance: What? Amy: where’d that come from? John: Well it sounded better in my head ok. [The aptly named Jeeves opens the gate to allow the three companions through, on the courtyard there are troops being marched around.] John: They aren’t half bad. Jeeves: would you like to watch a drill demonstration? Chance: Not really. Amy: Yer Kidding right? John: Not even I’m that sad .am I? Actually . Chance: Actually we’d rather just hurry along inside. [the parade comes marching past the group led by a colour sergeant with a parade stick, he barks out and order and the body of troops responds.] Sgt: Parade, turning on the march. About Turn! [As the parade or troops and the sergeant turn around the sergeant’s parade sticks jabs John right in the crotch and he falls to the floor with a squeal.] Amy: He’s not having a good day. Chance: Get up you wimp [The sergeant turns again, this time hitting Chance Runnels in the crotch, he drops to his knees singing what appears to be opera badly!] Amy: Men get up the both of yer n’ stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about. Chance: That’s love tight there. John: shut up Jeeves: Shall we continue? Chance: Please.