Posted by "The Wildcard" Chance Runnels on July 9, 2004, 10:08 pm, in reply to "RP4- The hospital...AGAIN! part 1"

[When the camera fades back in we see John driving Chance Runnels’ car down a narrow stretch of road. Moans can be heard from the backseat, Chance in lying face down lifeless with the arrow still sticking out of his rear.] Chance: I can’t believe you actually shot me! In my beloved ass of all things this ass is a work of art! WOMEN LOVE THIS ASS! John: Oh don’t be so dramatic. Chance: Don’t be dramatic! My ass is going to need counselling! It’s mentally and physically scared! John: (to himself) Mentally scared? Chance: When I get back the use of my bottom I’m going to kick the stuffing out of yours you oversized John: Oh! Where here and not a moment too soon. [John and Chance get out the car, John locks the door and the two start making their way across the car park. People start pointing at them and laughing.] John: Why the hell are they laughing at us? Haven’t you seen a superstar before? Eh? Chance: You think it could be the fact you’re wearing a dressing gown and I’m wearing a skirt? John: No Chance: We look like we’ve just walked out of a transvestite’s tea party at Halloween! [John looks at Chance and sighs] John: Who told you about that? Chance: About what? John: Lets just get you inside, shall we? Chance: Right [The two men enter the revolving doors; Chance spends some time trying to manoeuvre into the revolving doors without trapping the arrow. After a few unsuccessful attempts he manages enter the revolving glass doors and with equal difficulty exits the other side. The two men shuffle towards the desk where a nerdy looking man is reading a magazine article about medical treatments for athlete’s foot.] John: Excuse me I’d like for my friend here to see a doctor. Man: Does my nametag say, “Excuse me”? John: You don’t even have a nametag. [The man looks down at his well ironed chequered shirt and realises he’s not important enough to get a name tag.] Man: Erm, well the names Ernie. John: Well then Ernie is it possible for my friend to see a doctor? Ernie: Why are you wearing those clothes? John: Look I don’t have time to explain. If I don’t get Chance in to see a Doctor soon he’s going to be even angrier with me and I’m already in for a beating. [Chance grins and nods his head.] Ernie: You look funny. Chance: Look Ernie I don’t care if I look like the mother ******* tooth fairy right now. Let me see a damned doctor! [Ernie shrinks behind his desk and reaches for a form to fill out!] Ernie: So what seems to be the problem? [Chance looks like all his energy was just sucked out of him. The arrow is on display for all to see] Chance: What do you think is wrong with me? Ernie: You look like you’ve got a cold, perhaps a blood disorder. Perhaps you have problems downstairs is you know what I mean? [No one has ever mentioned Chance’s ‘tackle’ in the same sentence as ‘problem’ before and lived to tell the tale look our Ernie] Chance: WHAT? Do I look like a man who can’t produce the goods! Ernie: Oh? I just thought that you could be, I’ll [Chance leans across the desk dragging Ernie by the collar and pulls him close with an evil look in his eye] Chance: Do I look ill to you? [John looks towards the camera and nods furiously before pulling Chance away from the desk and back to his sentences] John: Look he’s got an arrow in his butt. Ernie: So he has, does it hurt? You should see a doctor about that! [Chance drops his head, then suddenly without warning jump at the desk again red in the eyes. John just manages to restrain him. Ernie retreats under the desk, and speaks from underneath it] Ernie: (terrified) Go to room three, a nurse will be they’re any second to check on you! [On hearing the word ‘Nurse’ Chance instantly calms and smiles to himself.] John: Thanks Ernie, take care now. [Chance and John walk off towards the inspection rooms. Ernie gets back into his seat and whips the sweat from his forehead] Ernie: some people are so ignorant! [We catch up with Chance and John] Chance: You know what John, I’ve been only looking at the negatives of this whole situation. Yeah I may have been shot in my ass, an ass Michelangelo would be proud of, but now I get to have a sponge bath with a nurse rubbing me down. John: I wouldn’t count on it if I were you having a girlfriend and all. You’re a big boy now I’ll wait outside. Or you want me to hold your hand? Chance: I think I’ll be ok, I crossed the road all by myself yesterday get out of here. Besides I can look at a menu without eating anything eh? If you know what I mean. [John goes to leave] Chance: (whispers) Oh John one more thing, could you bring me some comics if they decide to keep me overnight? I got bored of the old ones, and gardening programmes haven’t grown on me anymore since the last time I was in hospital (You are not mistaken, yes it was about two weeks ago it’s always Chance isn’t it!). John: (laughing) Sure. [Chance nods as John closes the door behind him; Chance lies out on the rock hard beads you find in hospitals and lays his chin on his folded arms.] Chance: I wonder what the nurse will be like? Last time I was unconscious so who knows who treated me. This time it better be good as this really hurts. [continued on next page]