Posted by "The Wildcard" Chance Runnels on July 9, 2004, 10:14 pm, in reply to "RP4- The hospital...AGAIN! part 2"

[Chance starts smiling to himself, when the opposite door and in walks a nurse with a clipboard. Chance turns to face her and his eyes almost pop out of his head] Chance: Hello! [The camera turns to the direction in which Chance is looking, and standing there in a tight nurse uniform is a beautiful blonde holding a clipboard and biting the end of a pen. Everyman’s dream girl, well except for Chance he likes a redhead (He loves Amy, he really does, I wonder if Amy did all this to test his loyalty? Would she?) they’re wild but back to the plot.] Nurse: Hello Mr Runnels my names Nurse Stacy. May I call you Mr Runnels? Chance: You bat your eyelids one more time and you can call me anything you like! [Stacy puts one hand over her mouth and giggles] Chance: May I call you Stace? Nurse Stacy: (Grinning) No but you may call me Nurse Stacy. Chance: I can live with that. Nurse Stacy: good, because you’re going to have to. So you have an arrow in your bum? [As you listen to her you notice she tries to avoid looking you in the eyes and is very flushed and despite her bland local accent you can tell her voice is trembling.] Chance: Are you ok miss? Oh I mean Nurse Stacy. Nurse Stacy: Well It’s not everyday you treat a celebrity now is it. Chance: (pretending to be surprised) You know who I am? Nurse Stacy: Yeah, is there and lass who doesn’t. Your on this months Mens fitness magazine, you’re the model to advertise the new ‘Gagalot Boxer shorts’ bit shorts for men who make women gag. Oh and you’ve got your own brand of condoms and they’re great. Chance: Oh yeah, what was the line I said? Yes that’s it. “If you’re not wearing a Wildcard Condom your not really wearing protection” Nurse Stacy: Plus on top of that you do your own movies and you’re a wrestler. Chance: Well yeah I’m a Wrestler, but those videos there more like home movies that girls I hooked up with wanted as a momentum. Except the ones of Amy and I they’re locked away, I think? Where did you get them? Nurse Stacy: Ebay Chance: Ah! Nurse Stacy: To top this all off I got front row tickets to the show later this week in Manchester. Chance: Cool, I don’t want to get all-negative because there’s nothing I like more than flattery, but I’ve like got an arrow in my butt. Nurse Stacy: Oh sorry, I just get really chatty around cute guys, my mouth keeps going but nobodies behind the wheel. Chance: Great, just for the record could you not speak when you pull the arrow out my ass? [Stacy looks confused but smiles and nods, a clear sign that she has no idea what he’s talking about. This by the way is not a dig at blonde people, Chance just happens to dumbfound anybody he comes across. Look at his manager John for instance the empty expression says it all.] Nurse Stacy: Let me have a little look. Chance: Ouch! Hey that’s hurt! Nurse Stacy: Well sure it’s going to hurt, when does an arrow in your ass not hurt. Chance: I wouldn’t know, this isn’t a frequent recurring illness of mine. Nurse Stacy: Just hold still for one Chance: No! Nurse Stacy: Just stop it Chance: Whoa, we going too [The pair fall tangled onto the bed Chance lying on top of the Nurse face to face. She smiles innocently and just as the Nurse goes to kiss chance he tells her he has a girlfriend. Chance face contorts with pain and a weird sound is made.] Nurse Stacy: (through gritted teeth) now see that didn’t hurt too much now did it? Chance: (In a rough faltering voice) Oh no, that was grand miss. [Chance and the Nurse stand up] Nurse Stacy: That’s Nurse Stacy. Chance: Sorry Nurse Stacy: Now before I let you go we just have to run a few small tests. Chance: Sure, why not. (Still in great pain) Nurse: All right, first of all I would like you to take your clothes off for a physical examination. [Chance shrugs and reluctantly strips off, the Nurse watches with a smile and a raised eyebrow as Chance stands tall hands on his hips in nothing but his birthday suit. Nurse Stacy walks up to Chance and begins the examination] Nurse Stacy: Cough please. Chance: * cough * is all this really necessary? (We’ve all been here or at least we wish we had) Nurse: It is if you don’t want me to burst them! [Chance whimpers] Chance: Oh help. [The camera cuts to outside in the waiting area where John is sitting drinking coffee from a foam cup and reading the daily newspaper. As John scans over today’s star signs reading he spots Chance’s Virgo, John having no interest in these things decides to read it for the comic value.] John: Virgo, today’s celebrity Harry Potter. Right lets see what we have here. “Virgos today will undergo many hardships, he will experience pain on many occasions and many on more than one occasion feel misused. But being nursed back to health by your partner will be worth it in the long run. For good things to happen to go well for you in your career this week look for a tell tale sign like a good friend buying you something useful.” [John puts the paper down.] John: What nonsense [John looks at the paper and folds his arms.] John: Rubbish. [John again looks at the newspaper and starts tapping on his knee.] John: Only feels believe in all that crap about alignment in the starts and al that voodoo stuff. [John for the last time looks at the newspaper and cracks.] John: Damn that advertising and convincing wording. What the hell can I get him? Inflatable dartboard? Solar powered torch? Plastic frying Pan? One sided dice? (don’t ask me it’s early morning I’m half asleep). I got it! Advice! It’s always useful and on the plus side it’s free and I’m a cheap bastard. John you’re a genius and your talking to yourself again, and getting stared at. [The next thing we know Chance comes limping round the corner tears in his eyes. He were gently sits down next to John on the cheek that wasn’t hit with the arrow.] John: What’s wrong man? Chance: She tried to make me John: Make you what? Chance: Have raging animal sex with her like she saw in my movies! John: Movies? Hang on you mean the bust nurse that went into room wanted to have it off with you and you refused? Ernie was right you are ill. Chance: No, for once I actually was thinking with my heart and not my balls (He obviously means Amy probably). Speaking of balls, she almost ripped mine off, every time I tried to escape. John: So how did you escape? Chance: I head butted her? John: You head butted a nurse? Chance: It was either that or loose my most valued limb. John: Good call. Err I better go in there and make sure she’s all right. Chance: What you going to do? John: I’m going to introduce myself as your manager and offer her some assistance and V.I.P tickets for shockwave. Chance: What happens if she tries to force you to have sex with her? John: That’s a risk I’m willing to take for your good name. Now go home and have Amy look after you. Chance: Whatever man. John: Oh and one more thing take this free advice with you that should prove HELPFUL. Live long and prosper. (Is John a Vulcan?) Chance: You need help [Chance painfully rises to leave and limps down the corridor punching Ernie in the face as he passes. John breaths on his hands to warm them up and walks with a big grin into the room Chance walked out of. As the camera fades out Chance speaks to himself.] Chance: They gave me eye drops again [Until next time viewers. Will Chance visit hospitals in Wales and Scotland? Lets hope not. Will Chance become triple crown champion? Lets hope so. All will be revealed next time on “The Wildcard” Chance Runnels show. Live long and prosper.]