Posted by Jeff on 8/16/2004, 10:05 pm, in reply to "Ted Was Never A Virgin" All My Best Friends Are Teddy Bears by Less Than Jake hits. The fans go wild. Hardcore Ted, Blue Teddy and Pat Sharp walk out. Balloons go up to the ceilings, theres a chorus line and everything. Hardcore Ted and Blue Teddy are both seated in the chests of two beautiful women. Pat Sharp takes Ted from the one woman and climbs into the ring with him. Pat Sharp throws Ted at CAY. CAY goes down and Ted lands on his head. The ref counts to 4 and then pulls Ted off of CAY. And suddenly, A Kicking Offspring Riff blasts through out the Bad Blood Dome. Paul: What the? A woman is walking down the ramp with something in her hands covered by a black sack. As she gets down to ringside, she pulls the cloth off
its CARDBOARD ROOSER THE BRUISER!!!!!!! Cardboard Rooser The Bruiser moves down to ringside. His arm goes under the bottom rope, and Cardboard Rooser somehow picks up Hardcore Ted! Pat Sharp tries to catch Cardboard Rooser, but he cant run fast enough to catch up with a cardboard cutout. Ted disappears in the back in the arms of Cardboard Rooser. Julie: Where is Cardboard Rooser going with Hardcore Ted?! Cardboard Rooser still has Ted, and he drags him back to
A WASHING MACHINE. One of the ladies opens it and pours in some soap. Cardboard Rooser drops Ted into the washing machine, and the lady turns it on! Jake: OH MY GOD! Teds in that washer! He could be hurt! Back at the ringside, Pat Sharp grabs a mic. Pat: You bastard! You cant beat the Pimp & Bear Connection like that! Ill take you down, Cardboard Adam Young! CAY: (without moving his lips) Defend the Jobber Title for Hardcore Ted and its on
Pat: FINE! Pat Sharp runs into the ring. He charges at CAY, but CAY falls over, clotheslining Pat Sharp to the mat. CAY wobbles up and then falls backwards on Pat. The ref counts the cover! 1
2
Pat kicks out. Now Pat is mad, he throws CAY at the ropes and charges. CAY leans back over the rope and Pat runs into the bottom of the cutout. He falls down. Now one of the women helps CAY up to the top rope
and pushes him off! CAY connects with a Big Splash on Pat Sharp! Paul: He calls that move Paperwork. The ref counts! 1
2
3! Here is your winner, and NEW Jobber Champion
CARDBOARD ADAM YOUNG!!! Julie: But Hardcore Ted got screwed! EMTs run to the area with the washing machine. They throw Cardboard Rooser out of the way and open the machine up. Ted is dripping wet, and hes busted open, stuffing is coming out of his seams and hes lost an eye. Paul: Damn, would you look at Hardcore Ted? Cardboard Rooser joins Cardboard Adam Young in the ring. Two women strap the Jobber Title around the waist of Cardboard Adam Young as the fans boo. A third one takes a mic and puts it in front of CAYs face. CAY: The Cardboard Kingdom is a reality. And Hardcore Ted will never wrestle again! CAY delivers the Paperwork to Pat Sharp. Meanwhile Cardboard Rooser gives Blue Teddy a falling chokeslam variation on the floor. The Cardboard Kingdom retreats to the backstage area.
Papercut by Linkin Park hits and Cardboard Adam Young comes out. He is surrounded by beautiful women. Bottle rockets blast off and explode overhead, and there are pyros and fireworks everywhere. The crowd boos CAY as his ladies slide him into the ring and lean him against the turnbuckle.
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