Posted by Penny S. on 9/18/2006, 9:07 pm, in reply to "How Can This Be?"
70.92.230.239
Hello Rick. I'm so sorry that the two of you have to go through this. I've been diagnosed with BC twice, and had a double mastectomy earlier this year. Knowing that the man in my life was there with me on my journey (and still is) was an immense help. One of the things I suspect your friend is feeling right now, whether she says it to you or not, is that she'll be less of a woman without her breasts. It's very natural for a woman to feel that way, regardless of anyone's reassurances. Keep letting her know that her breasts don't define her femininity to you. Stand by her, be with her when she needs help in making decisions or in handling things, but give her space when she appears to need to sort things out alone. Sometimes she may just want to cry alone, and then she may come to your arms for comfort. It's OK to cry together, too---I knew that my love was not crying out of pity for himself but because he was hurting my hurt with me. Be with her in the hospital during the surgery; be there when she wakes up. It's premature right now, but when the surgery is over, show her in other ways that you still think she's beautiful. Have a sense of humor, too, and laugh with her to lighten her burden. She may have drains to empty after the surgery---I was so grateful for my sweetheart's help with those. It was kind of a disgusting job but he didn't turn from me, he helped me, and I was so appreciative. The time will come when she will remove her bandages and see her scars for the first time. It might be a terrible moment for her. She may or may not want you to see them right away. But when she's ready for you to see them, genuinely look at them with her. Ask her about them, how they feel, how she feels. Be genuine in your reactions, but don't turn away. Don't let her become ashamed to undress in front of her. Undress with her and reassure her of how beautiful she still is. If you have questions I can help with, let me know. It's an awful time, but there are people out here who understand.
Penny
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