Posted by Caroline on 9/19/2006, 6:01 pm, in reply to "How Can This Be?" This is how I felt. I pushed my boyfriend away. I told him to leave me adn lots of women do this. The sad thing is that many find that their men do leave them in their hour of need. What I needed was his love more than anything in the world. I was lucky. We made it through 4 operations and chemo and then we got married. He told me every day how beautiful I was and he backed this up with all the love and care I could ever ask for. You need to do the same right now. Just be there, go to appointments, talk about what the future might hold, talk about her fears, share the decisions about treatment if she wants you to. You can take the pain away but you can ease the pain just by letting her know that you will always be there. This is a long journey and at this stage you don't know the prognosis and how successful treatment will be. Every woman is different and it is so difficult when you don't know yet what you are dealing with. You are both still in shock. If you are interested in finding more info I found "The Breast Cancer Book" by Dr Susan Love very useful. It helped me prepare for treatments and come to terms with my diagnosis. Hugs to you both. Caroline
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Men want to fix things but you simply cannot fix this and you cannot take her pain away. What you can do is just be there. Reassure her constantly. She is scared, she thinks that you will stop loving her, she thinks she will be ugly without breasts and she is probably wondering why you would want to be with her.
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