Posted by rena on 9/26/2006, 10:58 pm, in reply to "How Can This Be?" When I was first dx'd he told me it didn't matter. But when the removal of my breasts became a reality, he would not say that -- because it did matter to him. I knew he had to grieve the change in our lives. We are young and have lost a special part of our intimacy. But I did not know just how stuck he was in his grief. And his attitude and lack of getting counseling to get over it absolutely crushed me. My self-confidence was so low, and then it just crumbled. Believe me, you can not tell her enough that it doesn't matter. Tell her everytime you think of it -- even if it's every hour every day. She will not be able to read your mind. She will need your reassurance through every stage, every surgery, every setback, every procedure, every change. I could not believe the emotional pain my husband's actions and words or lack of words caused. I was shocked at how our marriage crumbled. I began counseling while recovering from the surgeries, and my husband was very supportive of that. But when every dr suggested he get counseling, he refused -- until we were ready to separate a year and a half later. I was crushed that he did not want to be a caregiver, that he did not want to look at my body, that he would not tell me it didn't matter. Countless times I cried and said, "But I'm more than a set of boobs" -- and his silence was powerful. Please seek counseling, whether it's a dr or psychologist or therapist or clergy. You will need someone to talk to, that you can be honest with, that you can cry with. Your wife cannot be that person. She has to use every ounce of energy to heal physically and emotionally. It was a long hard road, but we were referred to a great marriage counselor who really helped, and gave us practical suggestions. You lives have changed -- your marriage has changed. It's been five years, and my body and our marriage are both scarred, but we are still together. We will stay together. We are not in counseling anymore. And we've learned how to please each other sexually without my breasts. You're not alone. This is a great place with lots of wonderful people who have walked the same journey. Stay strong.
69.205.238.106
what my husband and I went through when I was dx'd 5 years ago. for the most part, he didn't struggle too much that I was dx'd with cancer -- he has always thought I'd beat it. But he was devastated when the dr couldn't get all the cancer after 2 surgeries, and then I wound up having both my breasts removed. They were his favorite part of my body.
Blessings
Responses: