Posted by Thomas on 12/18/2007, 11:14 am
199.231.28.58
She's doing well. Our week in New Hampshire (The Laconia area) was amazing and it was so nice and romantic to get snowed in together.
However, on vacation, I found a bump/lump (which, I am not sure) in the area of where her hematoma was, but on her other breast. (IE: close to where I joke that they were just randomly scooping stuff out)
She is having it looked at today, and hopefully a biopsy will show negative for anything other than clotted blood.
I've come to the conclusion that there are only two things that can make the intense fear, panic, and mind games go away... time and prayer. I suspect that as time goes on the bumps and whatevers we find will scare us, but less and less.
Each time, though, I think I get this little bit of "PTSD" inside, without the "P"ost that waxes and wanes a bit.
We also found this tiny, and I mean with a diameter of the size of my pinky nail, ring rash with a dot in the center - on her side, the side without the surgery - it is right on the band of the surgical bra she wears all of the time. Like maybe it's a rash, or something was under there and bit her. A flea from the cat maybe? It doesn't hurt her, doesn't itch, etc etc. It's just "there".
So of course, THAT is getting looked at too!
Sigh.
Keep her and us in your prayers, please.
My spirits fluctuate between all out fear and loathing of the future (because when I close my eyes during those times, I get nightmares of a funeral, or a custody fight about the kids, etc) and then they fluctuate to intense romantic feelings, and nice warm fuzzy feelings that tell me things are going to be ok.
Sorry for the ramble!
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