Posted by Rhonda Z on 1/4/2008, 12:11 pm, in reply to "His anger"
64.123.239.88
Nancy - so sorry to hear your are dealing with this. Are you newly diagnosed?
It is good to see he is in counseling. I hope you are as well.
Dealing with a cancer diagnosis is tough enough - dealing with a nonsupportive signficant other is deplorable. I try to cut them some slack, they are dealing with their own issues, but STILL, it is deplorable.
I went through something similar. I was diagnosed 10/29/03, and I thought we would be divorced before I completed treatement.
Deep down, I felt our problems were due to his issues facing my mortality, and possibly facing his own. He was done with our marriage - and I was devastated.
I found that, after 27 years of marriage, I had a very hard time imagining any other life. It was a horrible time for me. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more. Then, eventually, I gave up, I was resigned to the marriage being over. I began to focus on myself. I realized that I needed to love myself, regardless of what he thinks or does. I am not damaged goods, I am worthy, and lovable. My worth is not dependent upon him, or anyone else. It was good to finally realize this.
I learned an intense amount about myself during that period. I am happier now, I am happy with me, and - I don't care who isn't. Life is way too hard, and way too short, to have to play these games. I gave myself approval to give up. I gave him his space, resigned myself to a different life.
About two years into it, he apologized, admitted his fears, at least some of them, told me it was all his mistake - and completely did a turn around. Things are well now. They aren't perfect, but after going through these issues, and my own personal growth from it, I think things are better, at this point in time, than they used to be.
We aren't alone in dealing with this. In the last few years, I have heard of a few women abandoned at such a critical time. Hopefully some of them will wander in and share their experiences.
Regardless of what he does - you start looking out for yourself. Please realize you are worthy, lovable, and deserve the very best life has to offer.
Hugs,
Rhonda Z
10/29/03, DCIS, Stage 1, Grade 3
Doing well now
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