Posted by george on 1/2/2009, 11:50 am, in reply to "scared daughter"
208.3.253.171
wow deanna, your story sounds so much like mine. i lost my mother to this disease and she had some of the complications that your mom has been experiencing. i know what you mean about fighting with and for your mother to help her beat this and it sounds like she's having a really tough time. it's good news that the latest scans show the chemo working so always have hope.
it also sounds like you're doing alot as it is, and i know it's heart breaking to see your mother's condition progress worse versus better despite the medical protocol, in addition to you and your dad's actions to help her have some quality of life.
my advice is that you continue to do what you are doing and try to keep a very calm head especially in times of high anxiety and emotion, that's what i did. my dad couldn't handle it so i had to keep things calm.
you can gently encourage your mom to do things but the most important thing to do is first listen to her. she's the one going through it and it's so hard to act based on hope versus reality. my mother too couldn't eat much later in the disease progression. there's hope that she will live longer and beat this, which you should always have, then there's the reality that she won't, which you have to prepare yourself for. but that's not we're talking about today.
in terms of anxiety , daily medication to help keep your mother calmer can work well. we can't imagine if suddenly we couldn't breathe and it's harrowing for her and i'm sure you understand that and it's frightening for all around her as well.
whatever you do, don't get angry at her, you can go home and kick the wall if you want but keep cool around your mother, she's frightened enough.
stay close to her and talk to her doctors as well about what to do.
i tried my best to not show how afraid i was in front of her, she was afraid enough so i tried to be as strong as i could, but i learned to listen better before saying things to her.
and of course we here have been through this, and continue to go through this and are always willing to share as much as we can...
please keep posting and let us help you someway.
george
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