Posted by Jack on 4/20/2009, 7:18 pm, in reply to "Hi, Jack...."
66.134.220.226
Madonna:
I read your response and want to thank you for listening. I really didn't think that anyone was listening. I see a lot of wisdom in your approach to making yourself happy doing what you think is the best for yourself and your marriage. I hope things continue to get better and better for you and your husband--hope he's learning to appreciate what he's got!
You are an inspiration to me to keep trying to cope with my situation and at the same time realize that I can't make her love me. But, I can do the best I can to make myself happy and be available for her to love if she can. I've been trying to do that for a few weeks and it helps some of the time. At least I'm doing everything I can so I won't regret later not having given it everything I have.
I'm not sure I can simply say yes to everything she wants or says, but I have been trying to be as accepting of her constant tiredness, anger at her BC, menapause difficulty, indifference toward me, her "me" syndrome, pushing me away and turning away from our relationship. Her choice has been to get very involved in a rowing group (and forbidding me to be associated with it in any way) rather than get involved in "us."(as if they are mutually exsclusive). She apparently can't do both and will not give up the rowing (which I never asked her to do). It's just like her taking the lead in raising our kids over the years and not being able to develop our relationship at the same time. It's not easy. Today, she said at our counseling that she acknowledged several ways she turns away from "us", like talking to other people rather than me at parties and gatherings, going online whenever she's home, etc. She says she just doesn't get an affectionate feeling for me anymore and it will be very hard to feel affectionate again. I was crushed. It's like she has relied on me and used me up when she needed me to be there for her and her family and now is ready to cast our marriage aside and move on.
But, I'm going to keep going on and trying to do whatever I can to be happy. One day at a time. If I don't I'm going to make myself crazy.
Thanks for listening and caring. You are terrific! I wish you happiness! I'll check back in periodically. God bless...
Jack
Responses: