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I'm very sorry...this is a tough situation.
Can you get any leave at all without jeopardizing your job? You should be able to in this situation. If you find out your wife requires surgery I would do it then.
Continue to phone your wife as much as possible. Let her talk...or not. Sometimes listening is the very best thing a spouse can do. Be involved in her health care decisions...contribute as best you can from a distance...be an active partner. Check out web sites like the American Cancer Society to familiarize yourself with medical terms, treatments etc. Perhaps you can telecon during her medical appointments with her doctor. Send cards and letters. Round up friends and family to help her out with the children, housework, laundry, meals etc etc...all these things will help your wife feel better.
I'll be keeping you and your wife in my prayers, Ryan....God bless.