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Thanks Michelle, though your intentions are very good you really don't want me to vent all my concerns here, believe me. Right after her diagnosis of mets I filled half a notebook with questions about finances, dealing with her decline, keeping the house, relationship with my son (12), in-laws, etc. Many of them would be prim and proper people who aren't going through this would consider heinous and selfish.
Mostly I am lonely. All my friends are from previous lives, High school, college, previous jobs, all out of town. As I said before I reached out, got slapped down. Nobody seems to show any concern for me, I hear nothing from them, no inquiries no idle chit chat, nothing. I cannot really find any support groups for me and people in my position, especially not in my age group. I am in one group at a local Gilda's but it is small and I am the only mets spouse. There is one other but he is in his 70's, and while not to completely discount the concern it is a little different than when you are in your 40's.