Posted by Steve (Billy Steven Crider) on February 12, 2008, 7:27 am, in reply to "Re:(Cyrus) A reply to Baruch Koresh"
I remember sitting in front of a proffessional member of the Psychiatric community and a member of the professional theological community on January 31, 1995. For days I had been preaching that I heard a voice tell me the name of God was David Koresh. I and my father are one. I told such to another member of the psychiatric community just hours earlier...it is documented, My God saw to it. I had mostly refused to talk most of the day...I knew I was being held on a lie...I didn't know what that lie was...but I knew I had said or done nothing to justify being taken away by those officers...to be shuffeled from one hospital to another. My accuser after all these years finally confessed in front of others to her deed just in the last couple days...not realizing as she spoke in effort to once again discredit me, to once again soil the name of Koresh. Hold her blameless...she is mine, God has way. Still there I was in 1995,
The psychiatrist introduced the chaplain, asked my permission to let him sit in on our session. "Finally," I thought to myself...I will know the matter...we can move forward...I would, but I was not prepared in my own heart for what I was to hear...God had his way.
He asked me why I thought I was in his presence...
"Look, why don't you tell me why I am here,..I haven't done anything to prove myself a danger
to myself or others, I told those cops that this morning, so why don't you tell me why I am here...
I mean if your asking me, I'd have to say it likely has to do with my religous beliefs..."
"Why don't you tell me about your religious beliefs Mr Crider..."
I was a little agitated by the pretense of it all, I mean I surmised that it was 'obvious' to me they
knew my history, they had some kind of version, diluted or otherwise, of what I was preaching, or
at least I thought they likely did, and here this Psychologist, or Psychiatrist has called in the
calvary, to deal with me...
Yes, his question lacked a genuine interest beyond its loaded nature, I was agitated...and I wasn't
nearly as prepared to discuss... actually I was prepared to discuss my beliefs, I just wasn't prepared
to defend my beliefs, I thought his intial introduction to the chaplain was an indicator that we were
actually going to have a discussion, and then when I perceived the pretense behind the meeting
with his first questions reverting back across the threshhold I thought we had crossed after I
had remained defiantly silent most of the day, being shuffled one place to another as I waited for
the truth to reveal itself.
The threshhold which I now knew better had still not been crossed, I then knew this was about
to be a one sided conversation and as such I became defensive...after all it had only been two
years, less, since Waco, and I was well aware of the public attitudes at the time, and I was about
to have to lay claim, to affiliate myself, to choose a side, an unpopular side. To stand for my beliefs.
Would you have been defensive? agitated?
Looking between both men, making eye contact back and forth I began,"Look, I have some religious
beliefs which you would likely consider to be radical, I have some beliefs about... Waco,I have been
preaching some things about David Koresh, that you might find strange, but this is America ( I could
hear the star spangled banner playing, I don't know why they couldn't---thats a JOKE! Ha...Ha...)
This country was founded on the Freedom of religion and I am entitle..."
The physician cut me off, I guess he could hear the star spangled banner after all, and he wasn't
having any of my patriotic rhetoric, He spoke above me, cutting me off and said...
"MR. CRIDER, IT SAYS HERE, That you..threatened your daughter..."
My chin dropped, I was speechless for moment, lost my composure and then proclaimed,
"WHAT! THATS BULLSHIT!"
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