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Just wanted to share my experience
Posted by theshyone on 2/23/2014, 8:01 pm
I am an IBS and social anxiety sufferer, and have had parcopresis for as long as I can remember. I'm fine at home, as long as nobody's around, although just about any other toilets are currently out of the question. I'm unable to share rooms at work conferences and always find myself having to make excuses to have my own room. I'm worried that people think I'm odd or antisocial as a result, but the fear of having to share a room and/or toilet is just too overwhelming. I also avoid going on holidays with friends, particularly if camping or room-sharing is involved, as I just can't face having no privacy to go. I also find long haul flights incredibly difficult and starve myself for a day before so I don't need to defecate, but that just seems to make me ill and not work. It took me ages to adjust to sharing a bathroom with housemates at university, but as I had no choice, I eventually became used to using the bathroom. However, that was a while ago, and now I seem to have got out of this mindset after living alone.
If I think rationally, I know that my fear is completely irrational! It seems ridiculous that I have to plan my whole life around this. I try not to completely avoid prolonged periods away from home, as I know that's very limiting and would reinforce the fear. However, I sometimes wonder if it's worth the anxiety and discomfort (and potential health risks) of ignoring the urge to go, which I inevitably end up doing, as I build it up as such a big deal in my head. I know that defecation is a completely natural and necessary phenomenon, however, and other people do it outside their homes all the time without a thought. Plus, I doubt anyone would comment even if they thought I'd gone. However, I just feel like people would be listening and judge the time I'd been in the bathroom, and I also worry about the smell...
Sorry, that's turned into quite a long post, but I really needed to get it off my chest! I think it just emphasises how much this fear rules my life and limits deviation from my daily routine. I just want to control it, rather than let it control me. And judging by this forum, it affects a lot of other people's lives too - at least knowing that is reassuring.
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