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Posted by no name on 9/25/2006, 8:28 pm
My husband and I separated about 11 mths. ago after an 8 yr. relationship. He immediately became involved with my best friend which was part of the reason for our separation but not all. I felt betrayed by the both of them. I feel that they were getting close before our separation and that he pushed me to make a decision to end our relationship so that he wouldn't feel guilty because we have two children. He placed all the blame with me, has not taken any responsibility for his role in the break up and when I tried to talk to him in the beginning he made me feel that it was all my fault and why was I questioning him. I think I would have moved through our divorce a lot faster but I was forced to quit my job (I worked with her), lived next to her and her mother and he lived about 2 miles from me, I watched the both of them come and go together all the time. It seems that he just wanted me and the kids to accept everything right away and I continued to feel insecure because I wasn't over him as quickly. I did have a short relationship about 6 mths. after our separation but it didn't last long because I wasn't going to pretend that I was over everything. I realized that I would be hurting the other person if I continued our relationship. The thing is is that I liked him alot but now I'm stuck trying to process the rest of my hurt and pain now that I have moved away from them as well as grieving over the other guy. I realized quickly that I had entered into a rebound relationship and I wonder why he can't realize the same? It's obvious to me that he's in one. He even said to me shortly after our separation that it wasn't "all that" and there were areas where she just wasn't satisfying him.
He compared me to her before we separated making me feel like I should be more like her and he was disappointed in me and then he says that she's not all that. Now, he won't talk to me (about the kids--I don't want to talk anymore about our break up), sends all messages through the kids, they come "together" to pick kids up, they seem so happy yet he's so angry all the time and she tries to smile every time I see her and I can tell that it's not genuine. It seems obvious but I don't know for sure if he's in a rebound relationship and if so, is he trying to blame me for his continued unhappiness just as he did for our failed marriage? I don't want him back because there has been too much damage but I'm still investing my time and energy into the outcome of their relationship. Why am I doing that? Is it because I can't wait for it to turn sour and she, because I feel I was betrayed by her, experience the pain and hurt that I did? Anyone have a clue? Any suggestions on how to let go of the outcome of this relationship?
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