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Posted by Callie I'm at my job training in Pennsylvania right now and will be heading to NYC next weekend, temporarily staying with my boyfriend at his parents' house, and looking for apartments and everything else you do when you move, and hopefully be settled on my own very early in August. In the last two months, since graduation, my boyfriend has become a whole new person. I know he's the type of person who does not deal well with major life changes--to be brief, the transition from high school to college was an especially difficult one for him and after some events occurred, he spent a short time in therapy. Recently, he's started lying to me a ton, about big things and small things--where he's been, if he's been smoking (even when I can clearly smell and taste it on him), to the smallest of things when we're just chatting, like if he signed online (he said he blocked me on instant messenger because he needed some privacy), what time he went to bed at or who he ate dinner with. I've been having a very hard time trusting him because of all of this, but when I try to talk about it and bring up the trust issues, he just gets furious. This morning he called and woke me up on his way to work to shout at me and then hung up. He called back 10 minutes later and told me we're broken up, he hates me, that I ruined his life, his senior year, etc., that I need to find an apartment right away so I can get all of my things from his parents' house (I stored a lot of stuff there over the summer), that we're not friends, and that he never wants to speak to me or hear from me again. This is awfully strange to me (and to be honest, very scary and petrifying) because I spent last weekend with him and we had a great time, were really loving, etc., and when we talked all week, it was great. When we talked on Wednesday and Thursday, he was even telling me to find an apartment closer to where his parents live rather than the neighborhoods I had been looking in that are about 45 minutes away on the subway. He's just so up and down, back and forth that I don't know what to do. He IS the angry type who says things just to be hurtful when he feels like it (I know, that's another issue completely) so I am hoping that he was just mad about something else, probably something at home this morning before he went to work. (He's having a hard time adjusting to living at home again and is pretty miserable there, but then blames everything on me, says I make him miserable even though we're not even in the same place right now and only talk for 20 or so minutes a day, and not even every day at that.) No matter what I do or what happens between us, I'm really wondering if I need to get him to see a shrink or something, and because of that, I'm seriously contemplating speaking with his parents. I am very close with them and they have really made me a part of their family, but I know that if I take that step, my boyfriend will really and truly never speak to me again. I just don't know what to do. I'm open to any and all advice (though I'll admit I'm hoping for some kind of advice that involves me sticking with him through this). PLEASE HELP! Sincerely,
on 7/24/2005, 6:26 pm
Hi all,
I'll try to keep this short by giving just the highlights, but I guess now that I'm thinking about it, there's really quite a lot to it. My boyfriend and I just finished college, we've been dating seriously for almost a year and a half, and I got a job in New York City (where he's from) so I could be near him (I'm from California, that's where all of my family and most of my friends are). The job is a 2 year commitment with lots of penalties (including financial ones) for backing out any sooner. We talked about me moving to NYC many many many times and he said it was what he wanted, that it would make him happy, etc. We even talked about what would happen if we stopped dating, because he really is my best friend (I think I'm his too, but he's just one of those extremely introverted people so it's hard to tell) and he promised that he would remain in New York, be my friend, and see me often (we said at least once a week) for the 2 years of my job commitment, regardless of what was going on between us.
Callie
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