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Posted by ESPN on 10/12/2007, 2:21 pm, in reply to "Re: Week 7 Predictions" Westlake Black at LCP Timberwolves (ESPN’s Game of the Week)– ESPN debated three different names for this battle, including “Coaches Classic” (since we agree with Bodog that both teams are very well coached) and the “BCS Bowl” (ESPN hates the BCS. Not just because there will never be a true National Champion until you have a playoff, but mostly because ESPN would be the network to make *real money* by televising those games! As Stewart says, “I would even watch the Roto-Rooter “Toilet Bowl” from Toledo, OH if it was a playoff game.” Stewie is not alone. Instead, ESPN gets the North Texas School of Nursing versus Texas A&M in the same game today. We thought of naming this game the “BCS Bowl” because this is a battle that could lead to a-BCS like “playoff” system: a coin toss for first place. Nice.). But then we settled on the “Divisional Playoffs”. First, ESPN is still annoyed that TBS got the rights to all the MLB playoffs this year, and the “Divisional Playoffs” title will help us lure unsuspecting viewers from the TV Guide channel. More importantly, this game has the opportunity to help us answer a question that has plagued Pop Warner fans forever. Every year, on boards like this one and with analysts on all 30 ESPN networks, there is the ongoing debate: D1 or D2? Is D1 *really* that much harder? Could the D2 Champion hang with the upper echelon of the D1 teams? This game pits last season’s CenTex D2 Champion against the majority (pre-split to two teams) of players from last season’s CenTex D1 Runner-up. ESPN knows that people spend lots of money on underdog sports movies like Rudy and the Mighty Ducks (notice the subtle cross-promotion for Disney… we are good, no?), and that people love a classic battle. This game promises both. Two great, well-coached teams, with a back-drop of D1 versus D2. It doesn’t get better than that. SWA Black at Elgin – The AutoZone “Tune-up Bowl” (Since this is nothing but a tune-up game for SWA Black, ESPN has secured a bowl sponsor, AutoZone. The first 25 fans to attend the game get a free tune-up too! The halftime show is being underwritten by Turtle Wax, who is giving free car wash kits to the first 15 kids that can correctly identify the make and model of EA #4’s sled.) LCP Lions at Round Rock – The “Question Classic” (ESPN still loves that classic line from The Question, Allen Iverson: “Practice? Practice? What is all this talk about practice? I don’t need no practice…” In honor of that mentality, and because ESPN is covering AI’s opening game this season, we dub this game the “Question Classic”. In other words, this has all the excitement of a practice. If you like watching paint dry, swing on by and watch practice.) NWA at East Austin – Hut’s Hamburgers “Burger Bowl I” (ESPN likes double-headers. ESPN likes twins—blondes, preferably. ESPN likes two-fer coupons. ESPN likes double-dip cones. In short, ESPN usually likes lots of things in pairs. However, ESPN is not too crazy about two, back-to-back games between the rumbling herd of NWA and the lighting fast Yellowjackets. In a preview of next week’s opening round of the playoffs (tentatively called “Burger Bowl II”, obviously), ESPN is predicting that EA pounds Bevo into ground round quickly. As if that isn’t bad enough for our advertising revenue this week, it almost certainly guarantees poor revenue next week. To a network like ours, this is like getting the Sisters of Mercy versus LSU football game… two weekends in a row! Only the gamblers and players’ moms will care.) LT White at LT Red – “BMOC Bowl” (Only available via Ham radio frequencies within a 3 mile radius of Hudson Bend MS, this game is purely for Lake Travis bragging rights. Boys in this game are fighting to be the “Big Man On Campus” in various LT middle schools this week. ESPN predicts that it won’t matter—all the Lake Travis girls will be at the EA/NWA or WL/TWolves games; sorry boys. ESPN will still make more money on this game than it will on the Burger Bowl because all advertising slots were purchased by the Hudson Bend MS band for their Christmas cookie dough fundraiser.) Westlake Silver at LT Black – “Potato Salad Bowl” (ESPN thinks this game is nothing but a nice picnic at the lake for the Chaps, so we were going to call it the “Picnic Basket”. But then we remembered that no one has ever called a game a basket… ever. So, pass the potato salad, relax and enjoy the sunshine. And don’t forget to buy your Christmas cookie dough from the band that will have a table there for the “BMOC Bowl”.) West Austin at Georgetown – “Preseason NIT” (Having recently secured the rights to televise all capital area hoops teams until 2020, ESPN is exited to tip off the new season with these prep basketball teams. As has been well documented, ESPN knows how to find large demographic groups that generate big ad dollars. The two teams playing in this game are representative of the *vast majority* of all Pop Warner players after this weekend—those that didn’t make the playoffs and are now simply called basketball players. It is a large group that will keep getting bigger over the next few weeks. Money talks people; money talks.)
ESPN apologizes for the late post. Our analysts were taken ill this week. There was nothing physically wrong with them, they were just sick to their stomachs with the whole drama and misguided commentary on the boards—so much so that it took until today for the Network to come back online. Our attorneys originally told us to pull the plug on the Austin affiliate, but public demand brought us back…
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