Posted by joefaz
on March 3, 2009, 4:40 am, in reply to "Inspection- Two Presidential Dogs"
98.206.24.139
I have been reading all of your posts on this board. I just want to convey how much I enjoy your substantive writing skills. I also recognize the thoughtfulness put into every post. I hope there will be more to come.
--Previous Message--
:
:
: A few, hopefully, doggone good presidential
: observations; post inauguration...
:
: We have two Dogs. My wife, Millie, says:
: "They're our kids." I guess that's
: right, but I'm thankful I wasn't there for
: the birthing.
:
: One is smart as, well hopefully not as smart
: as President Obama who seems very smart,
: because that would be insulting to Barack.
: But intelligence is part of this collie's
: make up; as it is pretty much all collies
: except Achilles: our second collie. Achilles
: had some unknown birth defect that lowered
: him significantly in the IQ realm of
: collie... (not so) ...dom.
:
: Why "Achilles?" Well, so I could
: say, "Achilles... heel!" Not that
: he got the joke for the brief time he was
: with us.
:
: Our fifth collie's name is Frankincense.
: He's been with us since 1999. I have been
: out changing oil in one of my Nissan trucks
: and told Frankincense, "I don't know
: where your Frisbee is." That's because
: I hid it from Mr. Catch-a-holic collie. A
: few seconds later he's plopped it down by my
: oil greased hands, wagging his tail.
:
: Wiseass.
:
: Another time I told him, "I don't have
: time Frankincense, besides it's about to
: rain and we're both going in." He turns
: around, walks up on the porch, sits down on
: the doorstep, and waits there with that
: annoying collie grin.
:
: He can almost speak: he mimics human words.
: When I tease our little dog; collies always
: being the protecting souls that they are, I
: swear his barks are a form of profanity that
: would make Barnacle Bill the Sailor long for
: a pair of ear plugs.
:
: I could go on; but you get the point. I've
: only had one smarter collie amongst the five
: collies I've had... and Lad was also
: frightening. I should have known. His
: previous owner named him "Lad,"
: and his companion, "Wolf," yet
: knew nothing about Albert Payson Terhune and
: his turn of the last century book about his
: quite real collie; Lad: a Dog . She had
: never heard of Lad's son, Wolf, or the book
: about his life. If not for Terhune there
: would have been no Lassie: he popularized
: the breed. The author of the first Lassie
: book suspiciously used the same names and
: similar story lines right after Albert died.
: Lassie, at best, was a well trained
: actor.... well many actors. Though his
: adventures may have been somewhat
: fictionalized, Lad was real. I've seen his
: grave. He was also brilliant according to
: all accounts I've read by those who really
: did met him.
:
: Needless to say, in a country run by
: canines, Frankincense would be Presidential
: smart; like my Lad was; and Terhune's.
:
: The other dog, Batmutt, is some kind of
: cross between a Chichuahua and a terrier,
: or mini-dob. He can be as dumb as a sack
: filled with rocks. He barks at moving
: leaves, tries to chew sea waves, doesn't
: wait for the door to open and runs into it
: head first: sometimes two or three times.
: He's annoying: the only creature in the
: known and unknown universe who likes his own
: bark. As I type, the dog who always fails in
: his endless efforts to bully the bigger dog
: and the cats... cowers at the sound of
: distant thunder. He barks at objects that
: remotely look real: at best, and fumbles
: over his own bark. He'd never make a public
: speaker... except he "speaks" all
: the time: constantly, while people cringe.
:
: He really enjoys being bad.
:
: Except he doesn't seem to intentionally
: try to be bad.
:
: I don't think just Batmutt would seem to
: fail as much if he had a corporate owned
: media infested with shill talking heads and
: a whole party eager to goose-step at his
: beckon call; all willing to cover over or
: excuse his every misstep. Instead a whole
: army of supporters would also fail while
: protecting Batmutt. Even a moron could claim
: he succeeded while failing under that insane
: situation. He just had "bad
: intel." His failures excused by a
: "few bad apples," that actually
: amount to a parade.
:
: Did I just describe the past eight years?
:
: Back to Batmutt...
:
: The dog named after a humorous comment:
: "If you put his head on a pair of wings
: he'd be a big bat," is sadly one of the
: stupidest creatures I've ever owned. But my
: wife likes small furry things that seem to
: "need" her; no matter how mindless
: they are. Thankfully that's extended to
: large, "furry" things; like when
: we first met and I had a full beard and long
: hair, or we may have never started dating.
:
: Yet, unlike a certain recently former
: president, he may enjoy being bad; but it's
: obvious he wants to be good. He'll come
: back when called, though he is deaf for a
: while if some more worthy, impossible to
: catch, pursuit is in the yard: like a
: squirrel or a deer. Batmutt wouldn't even
: think of insisting a huge army of dogs do
: the chase for him and die while doing it.
: No, he really does take charge and
: responsibility; not just he's "the
: Decider..." for everyone else. If we
: brought the body back held a service for one
: of those dogs, I know he'd willingly attend,
: though his demeanor might seem as callus as
: certain former top dogs. And though he may
: not get that he shouldn't occasionally
: urinate inside the house; our home: where we
: all live... he will stop for a brief while
: when told he shouldn't. Oh, and punishing
: him is an option, though Frankincense does
: do his best Pelosi-Reid "let's keep
: that off the table" act. But at least
: the collie doesn't pretend he isn't
: protecting some offender who willingly and
: eagerly offended.
:
: Batmutt may be a bit arrogant, but he
: will eventually submit when it becomes
: painfully obvious his actions inspire anger
: and disdain. You can tell: he's knows he was
: wrong and is sorry.
:
: And while he may torture others with his
: brainlessness, he doesn't seem to enjoy it
: in any sense or do it to intentionally
: bother anyone with an ounce of common sense.
: He hasn't invaded any countries, or claimed
: he has authoritarian, dictatorial, unitary
: powers. He doesn't give asinine reasons for
: his misdeeds and while he occasionally
: fumbles when he speaks "dog,"
: annoying: yes, but he's far more apt at
: speaking his own language than at least one
: human on this planet is at speaking any
: language. Like Frankincense, if there's even
: a hint that someone is going to drive up our
: driveway, or a plane might fly into our
: house, you can be sure he'll react and warn
: us all with a plethora of barks. Oh, and he
: wouldn't even attempt to ride a Segway.
:
: That's right: he's smarter than our last
: president.
:
: And here's to the hope our current one is
: smarter in the human sense than my collie is
: in the canine world.
:
: We're really, really going to need it...
: because if our last leader had really been a
: dog he would have been put down long before
: it got this bad.
:
: -30-
:
: Inspection is a column that has been
: written by Ken Carman for over 30 years.
: Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd
: angles, under all the rocks and into the
: unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute
: the issues and philosophical constructs of
: our day: places few think, or even dare, to
: venture.
:
: © Copyright 2009
: Ken Carman and Cartenual Productions
: All Rights Reserved
:
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