"Poison Ivy Toilet Paper"

We lived in the country
Back when I was a kid
Its still hard to imagine
Some of the things that we did
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We used to play in the woods
Where the bushes grow thick
Watching out for the snakes
The spiders and ticks
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I remember this one time
We were having a ball
When suddenly I felt
Mother Nature begin to call
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Well I was having too much fun
To go back to the house
So I found me a bush
And was quiet as a mouse
-
As soon as I finished
I quickly looked all around
But I was out in the woods
With no tissue to be found
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But I spotted some green leaves
What difference the type
I grabbed a big handful
And gave a good swipe
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With no one the wiser
I was right back on track
Playing hide and seek with my sisters
Until Mom called us back
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But by the time I got home
I began to feel a twitch
And in the strangest of places
I now had an itch
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As I set down at the table
I must have gave out with a wince
Mom said why you so fidgety
And looking so tense ?
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Then without even thinking
I scratched with concern
"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD"
My bottom began to burn !!!!
-
I jumped straight up in my chair
Dropped my drawers to the ground
I was screaming and hollering
As I jumped up and down
=
I flopped back and forth
Like a fish on a hook
Until Mom tackled me at the waist
Bent me over and took a look
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Mom tried not to laugh
My sisters all giggled and grinned
Mom said Good Lord Child
There's Poison Ivy all over your rear end
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Then Pa came running in
To see what was all the commotion
And he burst out laughing
As he grabbed the Calamine Lotion
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For the next couple of days
I didn't have much to say
I just lay there with my butt in the air
While my sisters went out to play
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But there is a moral to my story
You'll never get away with the caper
If while out in the woods
You use Poison Ivy Toilet Paper !!!!
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Robert Pledger©
2/20/07